1Some peeps were telling him about the Galileans, whose blood Pilate mixed with their sacrifices. Sus vibes.

2Jesus was like, "You think these Galileans were worse sinners just 'cause they went through that? No cap."

3"Nah fam, unless you all turn it around, you’ll end up in the same boat."

4"What about those eighteen who got crushed by the tower in Siloam? You think they were worse than everyone else in Jerusalem?"

5"Nah fam, unless you all turn it around, you’ll end up in the same boat."

6He dropped this parable: A dude had a fig tree in his vineyard, and he came looking for fruit but found nada.

7Then he told the gardener, "Yo, I've been checking this fig tree for three years, and it’s still not vibin’. Just cut it down; why take up space?"

8The gardener was like, "Chill, let me work on it this year, dig around it and give it some love."

9"If it bears fruit, lit! If not, then you can chop it down."

10He was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath, just poppin' off.

11Yo, there was this woman who’d been struggling for 18 years, all bent over and couldn’t even stand up straight. Total vibe check.

12When Jesus peeped her, he called her over and said, "Girl, you’re freed from that struggle."

13He laid hands on her, and boom, she was straight up healed and was all about glorifying God.

14But the synagogue boss was mad salty, 'cause Jesus healed on the Sabbath, and he was like, "Yo, there are six days to work, so come get healed then, not on the Sabbath."

15The Lord clapped back, saying, "Bruh, don’t you all free your animals on the Sabbath to get water? No cap."

16"And this woman, a daughter of Abraham, who's been tied down by Satan for 18 years, shouldn’t she be freed on the Sabbath? That’s just savage."

17After he dropped that truth, all his haters felt embarrassed, and everyone else was vibing hard for all the dope things he did.

18Then he asked, "What’s the kingdom of God like? How can I describe it?"

19It’s like a mustard seed, this dude took and tossed it in his garden; it grew into a massive tree, and birds were chilling in its branches.

20He asked again, "How else can I compare the kingdom of God?"

21It's like yeast, fam, a woman hid it in three bags of flour until everything was lit.

22He was out here vibing through cities and villages, teaching and making his way to Jerusalem.

23Someone asked him, "Yo, Lord, are there only a few getting saved?" And he was like,

24"Strive to get through the narrow gate, 'cause many will try to slide in and can't, fr."

25"Once the boss of the house gets up and locks the door, you’ll be outside knocking, saying, 'Lord, Lord, let us in'; but he’ll be like, 'I don’t know where you’re from, no cap.'"

26Then you'll be like, "We ate and drank with you, and you taught us in our streets."

27But he’ll say, "Nah, I don’t know where you’re from; bounce from me, all you shady peeps."

28There’s gonna be weeping and grinding of teeth when you see Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and all the prophets in God's kingdom, and you’re out here missing out.

29They’ll come from the east, west, north, and south, and chill in the kingdom of God.

30And, for real, the last will be first, and the first will be last.

31So like, on that same day, some Pharisees rolled up and were like, "Dude, bounce! Herod's out here tryna end you."

32And Jesus was like, "Y'all go tell that sus fox, I’m out here casting out demons and healing peeps today and tomorrow, and on the third day, I’m gonna be goated."

33But for real, I gotta keep moving today, tomorrow, and the next day; it’s just not gonna happen that a prophet gets taken out in Jerusalem.

34Yo Jerusalem, you wild for killing the prophets and stoning those sent to you; I wanted to gather your kids like a hen does with her chicks, but y’all were not vibing with that!

35Check it, your house is left empty, and I’m telling you, you won’t see me again until you say, "Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord."

1There were present at that season some that told him of the Galileans, whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices.

2And Jesus answering said unto them, Suppose ye that these Galileans were sinners above all the Galileans, because they suffered such things?

3I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.

4Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem?

5I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.

6He spake also this parable; A certain man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came and sought fruit thereon, and found none.

7Then said he unto the dresser of his vineyard, Behold, these three years I come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and find none: cut it down; why cumbereth it the ground?

8And he answering said unto him, Lord, let it alone this year also, till I shall dig about it, and dung it:

9And if it bear fruit, well: and if not, then after that thou shalt cut it down.

10And he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the sabbath.

11And, behold, there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself.

12And when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said unto her, Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity.

13And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God.

14And the ruler of the synagogue answered with indignation, because that Jesus had healed on the sabbath day, and said unto the people, There are six days in which men ought to work: in them therefore come and be healed, and not on the sabbath day.

15The Lord then answered him, and said, Thou hypocrite, doth not each one of you on the sabbath loose his ox or his ass from the stall, and lead him away to watering?

16And ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan hath bound, lo, these eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the sabbath day?

17And when he had said these things, all his adversaries were ashamed: and all the people rejoiced for all the glorious things that were done by him.

18Then said he, Unto what is the kingdom of God like? and whereunto shall I resemble it?

19It is like a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and cast into his garden; and it grew, and waxed a great tree; and the fowls of the air lodged in the branches of it.

20And again he said, Whereunto shall I liken the kingdom of God?

21It is like leaven, which a woman took and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened.

22And he went through the cities and villages, teaching, and journeying toward Jerusalem.

23Then said one unto him, Lord, are there few that be saved? And he said unto them,

24Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able.

25When once the master of the house is risen up, and hath shut to the door, and ye begin to stand without, and to knock at the door, saying, Lord, Lord, open unto us; and he shall answer and say unto you, I know you not whence ye are:

26Then shall ye begin to say, We have eaten and drunk in thy presence, and thou hast taught in our streets.

27But he shall say, I tell you, I know you not whence ye are; depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity.

28There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when ye shall see Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the kingdom of God, and you yourselves thrust out.

29And they shall come from the east, and from the west, and from the north, and from the south, and shall sit down in the kingdom of God.

30And, behold, there are last which shall be first, and there are first which shall be last.

31The same day there came certain of the Pharisees, saying unto him, Get thee out, and depart hence: for Herod will kill thee.

32And he said unto them, Go ye, and tell that fox, Behold, I cast out devils, and I do cures to day and to morrow, and the third day I shall be perfected.

33Nevertheless I must walk to day, and to morrow, and the day following: for it cannot be that a prophet perish out of Jerusalem.

34O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not!

35Behold, your house is left unto you desolate: and verily I say unto you, Ye shall not see me, until the time come when ye shall say, Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord.