1So, one day while he was praying, his disciple was like, "Yo, teach us how to pray, just like John schooled his peeps."

2He replied, "When you pray, say, 'Our Father in heaven, your name is lit. Bring your kingdom and let your will pop off on Earth like it does in heaven.'"

3"Hook us up with our daily bread, no cap."

4"And forgive us our mess-ups, 'cause we also forgive those who owe us. Don't lead us into temptation, but save us from the bad vibes."

5He asked, "Which of you has a homie, and goes to him at midnight, saying, 'Yo, can I borrow three loaves?'"

6"Because a friend of mine just rolled through, and I got nada to offer him."

7"And from inside, he’ll be like, 'Chill, the door's locked, and my kids are in bed; I can't get up and help you.'"

8"But I’m telling you, even if he won’t get up just 'cause they’re homies, he’ll get up and give him what he needs 'cause he won’t stop asking."

9"So I’m saying, ask, and you'll get it; seek, and you'll find; knock, and the door will open for you."

10"For everyone who asks gets, and whoever seeks finds, and to whoever knocks, it’ll be opened."

11If a dad gets asked for bread, he ain’t giving a rock, right? And if he’s asked for fish, he’s not handing over a snake, no cap.

12If he asks for an egg, you think he’s gonna give a scorpion? Sus.

13If you, being kinda sus, know how to give good stuff to your kids, how much more will your heavenly Father drop the Holy Spirit on those who ask?

14So, he was casting out a demon, and it was mute. When the demon dipped, the mute started talking, and everyone was shook.

15But some peeps were like, “He’s casting out demons with Beelzebub, the head honcho of demons.”

16Others were testing him, looking for a sign from heaven, like, what’s the vibe?

17But he, knowing their thoughts, was like, “Every kingdom that’s divided is straight-up doomed; a house divided falls apart, periodt.”

18If Satan is tripping against himself, how’s his kingdom gonna last? Y’all say I’m casting out demons with Beelzebub.

19And if I’m casting out demons with Beelzebub, who’s your squad casting them out? They’re gonna be your judges, fr.

20But if I’m casting out demons with the finger of God, no doubt the kingdom of God is right here with you, lit.

21When a strong dude's got his palace on lock, his stuff is chillin', no cap.

22But when someone way stronger rolls up and takes him down, he snatches all his gear and splits the loot, fr.

23If you're not vibing with me, you're lowkey against me; if you ain't stacking with me, you're just scattering.

24When a bad spirit dips outta someone, it roams dry places lookin' for a chill spot; when it can't find one, it’s like, "Bet, I’m going back home."

25And when it shows up, it sees the place all cleaned up and looking fresh.

26Then it goes and gets seven other even more sus spirits, and they crash the party; the end game for that dude is way worse than the start.

27While he was saying all this, a woman in the crowd shouted, "Blessed is the womb that carried you and the milk that fed you!"

28But he was like, "Nah, for real, blessed are those who hear God's word and actually keep it."

29When the crowd was all gathered up, he started saying, "This generation is so sus; they want a sign, but no sign will be given except for the sign of Jonah."

30Just like Jonah was a sign for the Ninevites, the Son of Man will be a sign for this generation, periodt.

31The queen from the south is gonna pop off in judgment with this crew, and call them out: she traveled mad far just to hear Solomon's wisdom; and no cap, someone greater than Solomon is here.

32The peeps from Nineveh are gonna rise up in judgment with this generation and throw shade: they repented when Jonas preached; and fr, someone greater than Jonas is here.

33No one lights a candle and hides it in the shadows or under a bushel; they put it on a stand so everyone can see that glow.

34The eye is the vibe check for the body: if your eye is clear, your whole body is lit; but if it’s sus, your whole body is in the dark.

35So for real, make sure the light in you ain't actually darkness.

36If your whole body is lit, with no dark spots, then you’re straight up glowing, like a candle shining bright.

37While he was talking, a Pharisee asked him to chill and eat with him: so he rolled in and sat down to eat.

38When the Pharisee peeped this, he was shook that Jesus didn’t wash up before dinner.

39And the Lord said to him, "Yo, you Pharisees clean up the outside of the cup and plate, but inside you’re just wild and wicked."

40You fools, didn’t the one who made the outside also create the inside?

41But for real, give what you can to help others; trust, everything's cool with you.

42Yo, Pharisees, that's sus! You’re all about that mint and herbs grind, but totally skip on judgment and God’s love. You should’ve done both, no cap.

43Woe to you, Pharisees! You flex those front-row seats in the synagogues and love the hype in the markets.

44For real, Pharisees and scribes, you’re straight-up hypocrites! You’re like hidden graves, and people walk over you clueless.

45Then one lawyer was like, “Master, you’re throwing shade at us too.”

46And He was like, “Woe to you, lawyers! You’re loading people with heavy burdens but won’t lift a finger to help.”

47Woe to you! You’re building tombs for the prophets while your fam straight-up took them out.

48For real, you’re just showing you’re cool with your ancestors’ actions; they killed the prophets, and you’re here building their tombs.

49So, God dropped this wisdom: I’m sending prophets and apostles, and some of them you’ll slay and chase down.

50That all the prophets’ blood, spilled since day one, will be on this generation’s hands; periodt.

51From the blood of Abel to the blood of Zacharias, who got taken out between the altar and the temple: no cap, I’m saying this generation’s gotta answer for that.

52Yo, lawyers, what’s good? You straight up took the key of knowledge and didn’t even use it, plus you blocked others from getting in. Savage move.

53While he was dropping these truth bombs, the scribes and Pharisees started coming at him hard, trying to get him to spill tea on a bunch of stuff.

54They were just lurking, trying to catch him slipping with his words so they could throw shade at him.

1And it came to pass, that, as he was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.

2And he said unto them, When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth.

3Give us day by day our daily bread.

4And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.

5And he said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves;

6For a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him?

7And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee.

8I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth.

9And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

10For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

11If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?

12Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?

13If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?

14And he was casting out a devil, and it was dumb. And it came to pass, when the devil was gone out, the dumb spake; and the people wondered.

15But some of them said, He casteth out devils through Beelzebub the chief of the devils.

16And others, tempting him, sought of him a sign from heaven.

17But he, knowing their thoughts, said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided against a house falleth.

18If Satan also be divided against himself, how shall his kingdom stand? because ye say that I cast out devils through Beelzebub.

19And if I by Beelzebub cast out devils, by whom do your sons cast them out? therefore shall they be your judges.

20But if I with the finger of God cast out devils, no doubt the kingdom of God is come upon you.

21When a strong man armed keepeth his palace, his goods are in peace:

22But when a stronger than he shall come upon him, and overcome him, he taketh from him all his armour wherein he trusted, and divideth his spoils.

23He that is not with me is against me: and he that gathereth not with me scattereth.

24When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest; and finding none, he saith, I will return unto my house whence I came out.

25And when he cometh, he findeth it swept and garnished.

26Then goeth he, and taketh to him seven other spirits more wicked than himself; and they enter in, and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first.

27And it came to pass, as he spake these things, a certain woman of the company lifted up her voice, and said unto him, Blessed is the womb that bare thee, and the paps which thou hast sucked.

28But he said, Yea rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God, and keep it.

29And when the people were gathered thick together, he began to say, This is an evil generation: they seek a sign; and there shall no sign be given it, but the sign of Jonas the prophet.

30For as Jonas was a sign unto the Ninevites, so shall also the Son of man be to this generation.

31The queen of the south shall rise up in the judgment with the men of this generation, and condemn them: for she came from the utmost parts of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon; and, behold, a greater than Solomon is here.

32The men of Nineve shall rise up in the judgment with this generation, and shall condemn it: for they repented at the preaching of Jonas; and, behold, a greater than Jonas is here.

33No man, when he hath lighted a candle, putteth it in a secret place, neither under a bushel, but on a candlestick, that they which come in may see the light.

34The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body also is full of darkness.

35Take heed therefore that the light which is in thee be not darkness.

36If thy whole body therefore be full of light, having no part dark, the whole shall be full of light, as when the bright shining of a candle doth give thee light.

37And as he spake, a certain Pharisee besought him to dine with him: and he went in, and sat down to meat.

38And when the Pharisee saw it, he marvelled that he had not first washed before dinner.

39And the Lord said unto him, Now do ye Pharisees make clean the outside of the cup and the platter; but your inward part is full of ravening and wickedness.

40Ye fools, did not he that made that which is without make that which is within also?

41But rather give alms of such things as ye have; and, behold, all things are clean unto you.

42But woe unto you, Pharisees! for ye tithe mint and rue and all manner of herbs, and pass over judgment and the love of God: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.

43Woe unto you, Pharisees! for ye love the uppermost seats in the synagogues, and greetings in the markets.

44Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are as graves which appear not, and the men that walk over them are not aware of them.

45Then answered one of the lawyers, and said unto him, Master, thus saying thou reproachest us also.

46And he said, Woe unto you also, ye lawyers! for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne, and ye yourselves touch not the burdens with one of your fingers.

47Woe unto you! for ye build the sepulchres of the prophets, and your fathers killed them.

48Truly ye bear witness that ye allow the deeds of your fathers: for they indeed killed them, and ye build their sepulchres.

49Therefore also said the wisdom of God, I will send them prophets and apostles, and some of them they shall slay and persecute:

50That the blood of all the prophets, which was shed from the foundation of the world, may be required of this generation;

51From the blood of Abel unto the blood of Zacharias, which perished between the altar and the temple: verily I say unto you, It shall be required of this generation.

52Woe unto you, lawyers! for ye have taken away the key of knowledge: ye entered not in yourselves, and them that were entering in ye hindered.

53And as he said these things unto them, the scribes and the Pharisees began to urge him vehemently, and to provoke him to speak of many things:

54Laying wait for him, and seeking to catch something out of his mouth, that they might accuse him.