Gen Z: Leviticus 22
1And the Lord was like, "Moses, listen up."
2Tell Aaron and his crew to vibe separate from the holy stuff of Israel, and don't mess up my name with their rituals: I’m the Lord, no cap.
3Let them know, if anyone in your fam rolls up to the holy stuff while they're unclean, they’re getting cut off from my presence: I’m the Lord.
4If any dude from Aaron’s squad has leprosy or a sick issue, he can’t munch on the holy stuff until he’s clean. And anyone who touches anything dead or unclean? Nah.
5Or if they touch any creepy crawly that makes them unclean, or a dude who spreads uncleanness, whatever they touch, it’s sus.
6Anyone who touches that stuff is unclean until evening and can’t eat the holy things unless they wash up.
7When the sun sets, they’re clean and can chow down on the holy things; it’s their food, fr.
8Don’t eat anything that dies on its own or is ripped apart by animals; that’s just savage: I’m the Lord.
9They gotta keep my rules, or they’ll catch sin for it and die if they mess it up: I, the Lord, make them holy.
10No outsiders can eat the holy stuff: a priest's guest or hired help can’t munch on that either.
11If the priest buys a soul with his cash, he and his fam can munch on it, no cap.
12If the priest's daughter gets hitched to someone outside the crew, she can't snack on the holy vibes.
13But if the priest's daughter is single and back at her dad's pad, she can feast on his meat, but no outsiders allowed, periodt.
14If a dude eats something holy by mistake, he gotta pay back a fifth and give it to the priest with the holy food, fr.
15They can't mess with the holy stuff from the Israelites that they offer to the Lord; that's just savage.
16Or let them take the heat for their slip-ups when they eat the holy goods, 'cause I, the Lord, got them sanctified.
17And the Lord hit up Moses, saying,
18Tell Aaron, his sons, and all the Israelites, that anyone from Israel or outsiders who wanna offer their gifts for vows or freewill offerings to the Lord for a burnt offering, gotta listen up.
19You gotta offer a perfect male, no flaws, from the cows, sheep, or goats, that's the vibe.
20But if it’s got a flaw, don’t even think about offering it; it’s not gonna fly with you, no cap.
21If you’re bringing peace offerings to the Lord to keep it 100 or just vibing with some freewill offerings of cows or sheep, make sure they’re perfect, no cap.
22Don’t bring anything blind, broken, or sus to the Lord, like, no way. No fire offerings of those on the altar, fam.
23You can offer a bull or lamb that’s a bit extra or missing something for a freewill offering, but if it’s for a vow, that’s a no-go.
24Don’t offer anything bruised, crushed, or sliced up to the Lord; keep it clean, no cap.
25Don’t take the bread of your God from a stranger’s hands if it’s got flaws; that’s just not it, and it won’t be accepted.
26The Lord hit up Moses, saying,
27When you bring a bull, sheep, or goat, keep it chill for seven days with its mom, and then from day eight, it’s good to go for a fire offering.
28Whether it’s a cow or ewe, don’t take them out on the same day; that’s just savage.
29When you wanna offer a thank-you sacrifice to the Lord, do it on your own terms, fr.
30Eat it all on the same day; don’t leave leftovers for tomorrow: I’m the Lord, periodt.
31So like, keep my rules and follow them, ya feel? I’m the Lord, no cap.
32Don’t be disrespecting my holy name; I’m gonna be revered by the fam of Israel, for real. I’m the Lord who makes you holy.
33I pulled you outta Egypt to be your God, fr. I’m the Lord.