Leviticus 22

Gen Z: Leviticus 22

1And the Lord was like, "Moses, listen up."

2Tell Aaron and his crew to vibe separate from the holy stuff of Israel, and don't mess up my name with their rituals: I’m the Lord, no cap.

3Let them know, if anyone in your fam rolls up to the holy stuff while they're unclean, they’re getting cut off from my presence: I’m the Lord.

4If any dude from Aaron’s squad has leprosy or a sick issue, he can’t munch on the holy stuff until he’s clean. And anyone who touches anything dead or unclean? Nah.

5Or if they touch any creepy crawly that makes them unclean, or a dude who spreads uncleanness, whatever they touch, it’s sus.

6Anyone who touches that stuff is unclean until evening and can’t eat the holy things unless they wash up.

7When the sun sets, they’re clean and can chow down on the holy things; it’s their food, fr.

8Don’t eat anything that dies on its own or is ripped apart by animals; that’s just savage: I’m the Lord.

9They gotta keep my rules, or they’ll catch sin for it and die if they mess it up: I, the Lord, make them holy.

10No outsiders can eat the holy stuff: a priest's guest or hired help can’t munch on that either.

11If the priest buys a soul with his cash, he and his fam can munch on it, no cap.

12If the priest's daughter gets hitched to someone outside the crew, she can't snack on the holy vibes.

13But if the priest's daughter is single and back at her dad's pad, she can feast on his meat, but no outsiders allowed, periodt.

14If a dude eats something holy by mistake, he gotta pay back a fifth and give it to the priest with the holy food, fr.

15They can't mess with the holy stuff from the Israelites that they offer to the Lord; that's just savage.

16Or let them take the heat for their slip-ups when they eat the holy goods, 'cause I, the Lord, got them sanctified.

17And the Lord hit up Moses, saying,

18Tell Aaron, his sons, and all the Israelites, that anyone from Israel or outsiders who wanna offer their gifts for vows or freewill offerings to the Lord for a burnt offering, gotta listen up.

19You gotta offer a perfect male, no flaws, from the cows, sheep, or goats, that's the vibe.

20But if it’s got a flaw, don’t even think about offering it; it’s not gonna fly with you, no cap.

21If you’re bringing peace offerings to the Lord to keep it 100 or just vibing with some freewill offerings of cows or sheep, make sure they’re perfect, no cap.

22Don’t bring anything blind, broken, or sus to the Lord, like, no way. No fire offerings of those on the altar, fam.

23You can offer a bull or lamb that’s a bit extra or missing something for a freewill offering, but if it’s for a vow, that’s a no-go.

24Don’t offer anything bruised, crushed, or sliced up to the Lord; keep it clean, no cap.

25Don’t take the bread of your God from a stranger’s hands if it’s got flaws; that’s just not it, and it won’t be accepted.

26The Lord hit up Moses, saying,

27When you bring a bull, sheep, or goat, keep it chill for seven days with its mom, and then from day eight, it’s good to go for a fire offering.

28Whether it’s a cow or ewe, don’t take them out on the same day; that’s just savage.

29When you wanna offer a thank-you sacrifice to the Lord, do it on your own terms, fr.

30Eat it all on the same day; don’t leave leftovers for tomorrow: I’m the Lord, periodt.

31So like, keep my rules and follow them, ya feel? I’m the Lord, no cap.

32Don’t be disrespecting my holy name; I’m gonna be revered by the fam of Israel, for real. I’m the Lord who makes you holy.

33I pulled you outta Egypt to be your God, fr. I’m the Lord.

KJV: Leviticus 22

1And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,

2Speak unto Aaron and to his sons, that they separate themselves from the holy things of the children of Israel, and that they profane not my holy name in those things which they hallow unto me: I am the Lord.

3Say unto them, Whosoever he be of all your seed among your generations, that goeth unto the holy things, which the children of Israel hallow unto the Lord, having his uncleanness upon him, that soul shall be cut off from my presence: I am the Lord.

4What man soever of the seed of Aaron is a leper, or hath a running issue; he shall not eat of the holy things, until he be clean. And whoso toucheth any thing that is unclean by the dead, or a man whose seed goeth from him;

5Or whosoever toucheth any creeping thing, whereby he may be made unclean, or a man of whom he may take uncleanness, whatsoever uncleanness he hath;

6The soul which hath touched any such shall be unclean until even, and shall not eat of the holy things, unless he wash his flesh with water.

7And when the sun is down, he shall be clean, and shall afterward eat of the holy things; because it is his food.

8That which dieth of itself, or is torn with beasts, he shall not eat to defile himself therewith: I am the Lord.

9They shall therefore keep mine ordinance, lest they bear sin for it, and die therefore, if they profane it: I the Lord do sanctify them.

10There shall no stranger eat of the holy thing: a sojourner of the priest, or an hired servant, shall not eat of the holy thing.

11But if the priest buy any soul with his money, he shall eat of it, and he that is born in his house: they shall eat of his meat.

12If the priest’s daughter also be married unto a stranger, she may not eat of an offering of the holy things.

13But if the priest’s daughter be a widow, or divorced, and have no child, and is returned unto her father’s house, as in her youth, she shall eat of her father’s meat: but there shall no stranger eat thereof.

14And if a man eat of the holy thing unwittingly, then he shall put the fifth part thereof unto it, and shall give it unto the priest with the holy thing.

15And they shall not profane the holy things of the children of Israel, which they offer unto the Lord;

16Or suffer them to bear the iniquity of trespass, when they eat their holy things: for I the Lord do sanctify them.

17And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,

18Speak unto Aaron, and to his sons, and unto all the children of Israel, and say unto them, Whatsoever he be of the house of Israel, or of the strangers in Israel, that will offer his oblation for all his vows, and for all his freewill offerings, which they will offer unto the Lord for a burnt offering;

19Ye shall offer at your own will a male without blemish, of the beeves, of the sheep, or of the goats.

20But whatsoever hath a blemish, that shall ye not offer: for it shall not be acceptable for you.

21And whosoever offereth a sacrifice of peace offerings unto the Lord to accomplish his vow, or a freewill offering in beeves or sheep, it shall be perfect to be accepted; there shall be no blemish therein.

22Blind, or broken, or maimed, or having a wen, or scurvy, or scabbed, ye shall not offer these unto the Lord, nor make an offering by fire of them upon the altar unto the Lord.

23Either a bullock or a lamb that hath any thing superfluous or lacking in his parts, that mayest thou offer for a freewill offering; but for a vow it shall not be accepted.

24Ye shall not offer unto the Lord that which is bruised, or crushed, or broken, or cut; neither shall ye make any offering thereof in your land.

25Neither from a stranger’s hand shall ye offer the bread of your God of any of these; because their corruption is in them, and blemishes be in them: they shall not be accepted for you.

26And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,

27When a bullock, or a sheep, or a goat, is brought forth, then it shall be seven days under the dam; and from the eighth day and thenceforth it shall be accepted for an offering made by fire unto the Lord.

28And whether it be cow or ewe, ye shall not kill it and her young both in one day.

29And when ye will offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving unto the Lord, offer it at your own will.

30On the same day it shall be eaten up; ye shall leave none of it until the morrow: I am the Lord.

31Therefore shall ye keep my commandments, and do them: I am the Lord.

32Neither shall ye profane my holy name; but I will be hallowed among the children of Israel: I am the Lord which hallow you,

33That brought you out of the land of Egypt, to be your God: I am the Lord.

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