2 Samuel 21

Gen Z: 2 Samuel 21

1So there was a fam jam during David's reign for three years straight, and David hit up the Lord for answers. The Lord was like, "It's 'cause of Saul and his savage fam, 'cause he took out the Gibeonites."

2The king called up the Gibeonites and was like, "Yo, just so you know, y'all ain't even part of Israel, but Saul was on a wild mission to take you out for his squad."

3David asked the Gibeonites, "What can I do for you? How can I make things right so you can bless the Lord's crew?"

4The Gibeonites were like, "We don't want Saul's cash or gold, and don't go offing anyone in Israel for us. Just tell us what you want, and we got you."

5They told the king, "The dude who wiped us out and plotted against us wanted us gone from Israel's scene."

6"Let us have seven of his sons, and we’ll hang them up to the Lord in Gibeah of Saul, the one the Lord picked." The king was like, "Bet, I’ll do that."

7But the king saved Mephibosheth, Saul's grandson, 'cause of the oath between him and Jonathan, Saul's son.

8The king took two of Rizpah's sons that she had for Saul, Armoni and Mephibosheth, plus five sons of Michal, Saul's daughter, who she raised for Adriel.

9He handed them over to the Gibeonites, and they got hanged on the hill before the Lord. All seven went down together during harvest time, at the start of the barley season.

10Rizpah, Saul's concubine, was lit and took sackcloth, spread it on a rock, and stayed there from harvest time until it rained, keeping the birds and beasts away from them.

11Word got to David about what Rizpah had done, and he was shook.

12David went and grabbed Saul and Jonathan's bones from the Jabesh-gilead crew, who had snatched them from Beth-shan where the Philistines hung them after they took out Saul.

13He brought up Saul and Jonathan's bones, and they collected the bones of everyone who got hanged.

14They buried Saul and Jonathan in Benjamin's land at Zelah, in Kish's tomb, doing everything the king asked. After that, God was like, "I got you" for the land.

15The Philistines were back at it with Israel, and David and his crew went down to throw down against them, but David was feeling weak.

16Ishbi-benob, one of the giants, had a spear that weighed 300 shekels of brass and was ready to take out David.

17But Abishai, Zeruiah's son, came through and took out the Philistine. Then David's boys were like, "You’re not going back out with us, we can't let the light of Israel go out."

18After that, there was another battle with the Philistines at Gob, and Sibbechai the Hushathite took down Saph, another giant.

19Then there was another fight in Gob, where Elhanan, the Bethlehemite, took out Goliath's brother, whose spear was massive.

20There was yet another battle in Gath, where a dude with six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot popped up; he was also born to the giants.

21When he dissed Israel, Jonathan, David's bro, took him out.

22These four were born to the giants in Gath and fell by David and his crew.

KJV: 2 Samuel 21

1Then there was a famine in the days of David three years, year after year; and David enquired of the Lord. And the Lord answered, It is for Saul, and for his bloody house, because he slew the Gibeonites.

2And the king called the Gibeonites, and said unto them; (now the Gibeonites were not of the children of Israel, but of the remnant of the Amorites; and the children of Israel had sworn unto them: and Saul sought to slay them in his zeal to the children of Israel and Judah.)

3Wherefore David said unto the Gibeonites, What shall I do for you? and wherewith shall I make the atonement, that ye may bless the inheritance of the Lord?

4And the Gibeonites said unto him, We will have no silver nor gold of Saul, nor of his house; neither for us shalt thou kill any man in Israel. And he said, What ye shall say, that will I do for you.

5And they answered the king, The man that consumed us, and that devised against us that we should be destroyed from remaining in any of the coasts of Israel,

6Let seven men of his sons be delivered unto us, and we will hang them up unto the Lord in Gibeah of Saul, whom the Lord did choose. And the king said, I will give them.

7But the king spared Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan the son of Saul, because of the Lord’s oath that was between them, between David and Jonathan the son of Saul.

8But the king took the two sons of Rizpah the daughter of Aiah, whom she bare unto Saul, Armoni and Mephibosheth; and the five sons of Michal the daughter of Saul, whom she brought up for Adriel the son of Barzillai the Meholathite:

9And he delivered them into the hands of the Gibeonites, and they hanged them in the hill before the Lord: and they fell all seven together, and were put to death in the days of harvest, in the first days, in the beginning of barley harvest.

10And Rizpah the daughter of Aiah took sackcloth, and spread it for her upon the rock, from the beginning of harvest until water dropped upon them out of heaven, and suffered neither the birds of the air to rest on them by day, nor the beasts of the field by night.

11And it was told David what Rizpah the daughter of Aiah, the concubine of Saul, had done.

12And David went and took the bones of Saul and the bones of Jonathan his son from the men of Jabesh–gilead, which had stolen them from the street of Beth–shan, where the Philistines had hanged them, when the Philistines had slain Saul in Gilboa:

13And he brought up from thence the bones of Saul and the bones of Jonathan his son; and they gathered the bones of them that were hanged.

14And the bones of Saul and Jonathan his son buried they in the country of Benjamin in Zelah, in the sepulchre of Kish his father: and they performed all that the king commanded. And after that God was intreated for the land.

15Moreover the Philistines had yet war again with Israel; and David went down, and his servants with him, and fought against the Philistines: and David waxed faint.

16And Ishbi–benob, which was of the sons of the giant, the weight of whose spear weighed three hundred shekels of brass in weight, he being girded with a new sword, thought to have slain David.

17But Abishai the son of Zeruiah succoured him, and smote the Philistine, and killed him. Then the men of David sware unto him, saying, Thou shalt go no more out with us to battle, that thou quench not the light of Israel.

18And it came to pass after this, that there was again a battle with the Philistines at Gob: then Sibbechai the Hushathite slew Saph, which was of the sons of the giant.

19And there was again a battle in Gob with the Philistines, where Elhanan the son of Jaare–oregim, a Beth–lehemite, slew the brother of Goliath the Gittite, the staff of whose spear was like a weaver’s beam.

20And there was yet a battle in Gath, where was a man of great stature, that had on every hand six fingers, and on every foot six toes, four and twenty in number; and he also was born to the giant.

21And when he defied Israel, Jonathan the son of Shimea the brother of David slew him.

22These four were born to the giant in Gath, and fell by the hand of David, and by the hand of his servants.

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