1So, after a year passed, when kings usually pop off to battle, David hit up Joab and all the squad from Israel; they took out the Ammonites and surrounded Rabbah. But David was chillin' in Jerusalem, no cap.

2One evening, David got up from his bed, walked on the roof of the palace, and saw this baddie washing up; she was looking super fine, fr.

3David was curious and asked about her. Someone said, "Isn't that Bath–sheba, Eliam's daughter and Uriah the Hittite's wifey?"

4David sent some messengers, brought her over, and they got together; she was fresh from her cleanse and then went back home.

5The woman got pregnant and hit up David, saying, "Yo, I'm expecting."

6David texted Joab, "Send me Uriah the Hittite," and Joab delivered Uriah to David.

7When Uriah got to David, he asked how Joab and the squad were doing and how the battle was going.

8David told Uriah, "Go home and chill, wash your feet." Uriah bounced from the king's house, and the king sent him some food.

9But Uriah crashed at the door of the king's house with all the homies, didn’t even go home.

10When they told David Uriah didn’t go home, he was like, "Didn’t you just come back? Why didn’t you go home?"

11Uriah’s like, “Yo, the ark and my peeps are chillin’ in tents; Joab and my squad are out in the fields. Should I dip to my crib to eat and vibe with my wife? Nah fam, I ain’t about that life.”

12David’s all, “Stay here today, and tomorrow I’ll let you bounce.” So Uriah just kicked it in Jerusalem that day and the next.

13David called him over, they ate and drank, and David got him lit; but when night came, Uriah crashed with the servants, not going home.

14The next morning, David wrote a letter to Joab and gave it to Uriah to deliver.

15He wrote, “Put Uriah in the front of the wildest battle, then dip back so he can get wrecked and die.”

16When Joab scoped out the city, he put Uriah where the real Gs were fighting.

17The city’s crew rolled out and clashed with Joab; some of David’s squad went down, and Uriah the Hittite got taken out too.

18Then Joab hit up David with all the war deets;

19and told the messenger, “When you finish spilling the tea about the war to the king,

20and if the king gets mad and asks, ‘Why’d you get so close to the city when you fought? Didn’t you know they’d shoot from the walls?’”

21Who took out Abimelech, Jerubbesheth's kid? A whole woman dropped a millstone on him from the wall, and he was done in Thebez. Why y'all roll up to the wall? Also, tell Joab that Uriah the Hittite is dead, no cap.

22So the messenger bounced, came through, and told David everything Joab wanted him to know.

23The messenger was like, "For real, the guys came at us hard and we pushed back, but we got hit right at the gate."

24The archers were firing from the wall at your crew; some of the king’s homies are gone, and Uriah the Hittite is dead too.

25Then David told the messenger, "Tell Joab not to trip over this, bro. The sword takes out everyone, so tell him to amp up the fight against the city and crush it. Give him some rizz."

26When Uriah's wife found out her hubby was gone, she was straight-up bummed out.

27After the mourning was over, David sent for her to come to his crib, and she became his wife and had a son. But what David did was sus to the Lord.

1And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle, that David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the children of Ammon, and besieged Rabbah. But David tarried still at Jerusalem.

2And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king’s house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon.

3And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bath–sheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?

4And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house.

5And the woman conceived, and sent and told David, and said, I am with child.

6And David sent to Joab, saying, Send me Uriah the Hittite. And Joab sent Uriah to David.

7And when Uriah was come unto him, David demanded of him how Joab did, and how the people did, and how the war prospered.

8And David said to Uriah, Go down to thy house, and wash thy feet. And Uriah departed out of the king’s house, and there followed him a mess of meat from the king.

9But Uriah slept at the door of the king’s house with all the servants of his lord, and went not down to his house.

10And when they had told David, saying, Uriah went not down unto his house, David said unto Uriah, Camest thou not from thy journey? why then didst thou not go down unto thine house?

11And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? as thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing.

12And David said to Uriah, Tarry here to day also, and to morrow I will let thee depart. So Uriah abode in Jerusalem that day, and the morrow.

13And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

14And it came to pass in the morning, that David wrote a letter to Joab, and sent it by the hand of Uriah.

15And he wrote in the letter, saying, Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye from him, that he may be smitten, and die.

16And it came to pass, when Joab observed the city, that he assigned Uriah unto a place where he knew that valiant men were.

17And the men of the city went out, and fought with Joab: and there fell some of the people of the servants of David; and Uriah the Hittite died also.

18Then Joab sent and told David all the things concerning the war;

19And charged the messenger, saying, When thou hast made an end of telling the matters of the war unto the king,

20And if so be that the king’s wrath arise, and he say unto thee, Wherefore approached ye so nigh unto the city when ye did fight? knew ye not that they would shoot from the wall?

21Who smote Abimelech the son of Jerubbesheth? did not a woman cast a piece of a millstone upon him from the wall, that he died in Thebez? why went ye nigh the wall? then say thou, Thy servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also.

22So the messenger went, and came and shewed David all that Joab had sent him for.

23And the messenger said unto David, Surely the men prevailed against us, and came out unto us into the field, and we were upon them even unto the entering of the gate.

24And the shooters shot from off the wall upon thy servants; and some of the king’s servants be dead, and thy servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also.

25Then David said unto the messenger, Thus shalt thou say unto Joab, Let not this thing displease thee, for the sword devoureth one as well as another: make thy battle more strong against the city, and overthrow it: and encourage thou him.

26And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband.

27And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.