1So, the king of the Ammonites kicked the bucket, and Hanun, his son, took over. Major vibes.

2David was like, "I gotta show some love to Hanun, just like his dad did for me." So, he sent his crew to comfort him.

3The Ammonite princes were like, "You think David's just here to honor your dad? Nah, he's low-key sending spies to scope out the city."

4Hanun straight-up dissed David's crew, half-shaved their beards, and cut their outfits to the max. Savage move.

5When David heard about it, he was like, "Yo, just chill in Jericho till your beards grow back, then come back."

6The Ammonites realized they were looking sus to David, so they hired a whole squad of Syrians to back them up.

7When David caught wind of this, he sent Joab and his crew, ready to pop off.

8The Ammonites lined up for battle at the gate, while the Syrians were flexing in the field.

9Joab saw the battle was lit on both sides, so he picked the best of Israel to face the Syrians.

10He handed the rest of the squad to his bro Abishai to handle the Ammonites.

11Joab said, "If the Syrians are too strong for me, you got my back. If the Ammonites are tough for you, I’ll roll up and help."

12"Stay brave, and let’s show up for our people and cities. God’s got this."

13Joab and his crew charged into battle against the Syrians, and they dipped quick.

14When the Ammonites saw the Syrians bounce, they also turned tail and ran back to the city. Joab then returned to Jerusalem.

15The Syrians, seeing they got wrecked by Israel, gathered up for round two.

16Hadarezer called for the Syrians beyond the river, and they showed up at Helam, led by Shobach, the captain.

17When David heard the news, he rallied all of Israel, crossed the Jordan, and hit up Helam. The Syrians lined up to fight David.

18The Syrians were outta there, and David took out 700 chariots and 40k horsemen, plus Shobach, who didn’t make it.

19When the kings serving Hadarezer saw they were defeated, they made peace with Israel and bowed down. The Syrians were like, "Nah, we ain't helping the Ammonites anymore."

1And it came to pass after this, that the king of the children of Ammon died, and Hanun his son reigned in his stead.

2Then said David, I will shew kindness unto Hanun the son of Nahash, as his father shewed kindness unto me. And David sent to comfort him by the hand of his servants for his father. And David’s servants came into the land of the children of Ammon.

3And the princes of the children of Ammon said unto Hanun their lord, Thinkest thou that David doth honour thy father, that he hath sent comforters unto thee? hath not David rather sent his servants unto thee, to search the city, and to spy it out, and to overthrow it?

4Wherefore Hanun took David’s servants, and shaved off the one half of their beards, and cut off their garments in the middle, even to their buttocks, and sent them away.

5When they told it unto David, he sent to meet them, because the men were greatly ashamed: and the king said, Tarry at Jericho until your beards be grown, and then return.

6And when the children of Ammon saw that they stank before David, the children of Ammon sent and hired the Syrians of Beth–rehob, and the Syrians of Zoba, twenty thousand footmen, and of king Maacah a thousand men, and of Ish–tob twelve thousand men.

7And when David heard of it, he sent Joab, and all the host of the mighty men.

8And the children of Ammon came out, and put the battle in array at the entering in of the gate: and the Syrians of Zoba, and of Rehob, and Ish–tob, and Maacah, were by themselves in the field.

9When Joab saw that the front of the battle was against him before and behind, he chose of all the choice men of Israel, and put them in array against the Syrians:

10And the rest of the people he delivered into the hand of Abishai his brother, that he might put them in array against the children of Ammon.

11And he said, If the Syrians be too strong for me, then thou shalt help me: but if the children of Ammon be too strong for thee, then I will come and help thee.

12Be of good courage, and let us play the men for our people, and for the cities of our God: and the Lord do that which seemeth him good.

13And Joab drew nigh, and the people that were with him, unto the battle against the Syrians: and they fled before him.

14And when the children of Ammon saw that the Syrians were fled, then fled they also before Abishai, and entered into the city. So Joab returned from the children of Ammon, and came to Jerusalem.

15And when the Syrians saw that they were smitten before Israel, they gathered themselves together.

16And Hadarezer sent, and brought out the Syrians that were beyond the river: and they came to Helam; and Shobach the captain of the host of Hadarezer went before them.

17And when it was told David, he gathered all Israel together, and passed over Jordan, and came to Helam. And the Syrians set themselves in array against David, and fought with him.

18And the Syrians fled before Israel; and David slew the men of seven hundred chariots of the Syrians, and forty thousand horsemen, and smote Shobach the captain of their host, who died there.

19And when all the kings that were servants to Hadarezer saw that they were smitten before Israel, they made peace with Israel, and served them. So the Syrians feared to help the children of Ammon any more.