1After the sabbath, when the sun was coming up on the first day, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary pulled up to check out the tomb.

2And, no cap, there was a huge earthquake: an angel from heaven dropped down, rolled the stone away, and just chilled on it.

3Dude's face was like lightning, and his drip was pure white like fresh snow.

4The guards were shook, like they straight up fainted.

5The angel was like, "Chill, ladies: I know you're looking for Jesus, the one who got crucified."

6He ain't here; he bounced back, just like he said. Come peep the spot where the Lord was.

7And dip quick, tell his crew he’s risen from the dead; he’s heading to Galilee; you’ll see him there, I promise.

8They bounced from the tomb, scared but hyped, and ran to tell the disciples.

9While they were on their way, Jesus popped up and was like, "What’s good?" They grabbed his feet and worshipped him.

10Then Jesus said, "Don’t be scared: go tell my bros to meet me in Galilee; they'll see me there."

11While they were leaving, some of the guards went to the city and spilled the tea to the chief priests about everything that went down.

12When they gathered with the elders and had a meeting, they gave the soldiers a fat stack of cash,

13Saying, "Just say his disciples came at night and snatched him while we were snoozing."

14And if this gets back to the governor, we’ll smooth things over for you.

15So they took the cash and did what they were told: this story is still the talk among the Jews to this day.

16Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus told them to meet.

17When they saw him, they worshipped him, but some were still sus.

18Jesus came up and said, "All power is mine in heaven and on earth, periodt."

19So go out there and teach all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

20Teach them to follow everything I’ve commanded you: and, for real, I’m with you always, even to the end of the world. Amen.

1In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre.

2And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it.

3His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow:

4And for fear of him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men.

5And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified.

6He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.

7And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead; and, behold, he goeth before you into Galilee; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you.

8And they departed quickly from the sepulchre with fear and great joy; and did run to bring his disciples word.

9And as they went to tell his disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, All hail. And they came and held him by the feet, and worshipped him.

10Then said Jesus unto them, Be not afraid: go tell my brethren that they go into Galilee, and there shall they see me.

11Now when they were going, behold, some of the watch came into the city, and shewed unto the chief priests all the things that were done.

12And when they were assembled with the elders, and had taken counsel, they gave large money unto the soldiers,

13Saying, Say ye, His disciples came by night, and stole him away while we slept.

14And if this come to the governor’s ears, we will persuade him, and secure you.

15So they took the money, and did as they were taught: and this saying is commonly reported among the Jews until this day.

16Then the eleven disciples went away into Galilee, into a mountain where Jesus had appointed them.

17And when they saw him, they worshipped him: but some doubted.

18And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.

19Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:

20Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.