1So he started dropping parables on them. A dude planted a vineyard, built a fence, set up a wine press, threw up a tower, and rented it out to some farmers before dipping out to another country.

2When the season rolled around, he sent a servant to the farmers to grab some of that vineyard fruit.

3They straight up snatched him, beat him down, and sent him back empty-handed.

4He tried again, sending another servant; they threw stones at him, gave him a head injury, and sent him back all messed up.

5He sent yet another one, and they killed him, plus a bunch of others; some got beat, others got iced.

6Finally, he sent his one and only son, thinking, "They'll show my son some respect."

7But the farmers were like, "This is the heir; let’s take him out, and the inheritance is ours."

8So they grabbed him, killed him, and tossed him out of the vineyard.

9What’s the vineyard owner gonna do? He’ll come and wreck those farmers and give the vineyard to others.

10Haven't you peeped this scripture? The stone the builders rejected became the main piece.

11This was the Lord’s vibe, and it’s straight-up lit in our eyes?

12They tried to catch him, but were sus of the crowd: they knew he was calling them out, so they dipped.

13They sent some Pharisees and Herodians to trap him with their words.

14When they showed up, they said, "Yo, Master, we know you’re real and don’t care about people’s opinions: you teach God’s truth. Is it cool to pay taxes to Caesar or nah?"

15"Should we pay, or nah?" But he saw through their rizz, asking, "Why you testing me? Show me a coin."

16They brought it over. He asked, "Whose face is on this?" They said, "Caesar’s."

17Jesus hit them with, "Give to Caesar what’s his, and to God what’s God’s." They were shook.

18Then the Sadducees rolled up, saying there’s no resurrection, and they asked him,

19"Master, Moses said if a dude dies and leaves his wife with no kids, his bro should marry her and have kids for him."

20There were seven bros: the first married a girl, but when he died, he had no kids.

21So the second dude took her, but he dipped too, no seeds left behind: same with the third bro.

22All seven of them had her, and still no seeds: then the woman peaced out too.

23So in the afterlife, when they rise up, whose wifey is she? All seven had her, fr.

24Jesus was like, "Y'all trippin' because you don't know the scriptures or God's power, no cap."

25When they rise from the dead, they don't marry or get married; they're like angels in heaven, lit.

26And about the dead rising: haven't you read in Moses’ book how God spoke to him from the bush, saying, "I’m the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob?"

27He ain't the God of the dead, but the God of the living: so y'all seriously missing the point.

28Then a scribe rolled up, heard them chatting, and saw Jesus was on point, so he asked, "What’s the top commandment?"

29Jesus hit him with, "The first commandment is, ‘Listen up, Israel; our Lord is one Lord.’"

30And you gotta love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength: that’s the first commandment, periodt.

31The second is like, love your neighbor like you love yourself, fam. No cap, there’s no commandment better than this.

32The scribe was like, "For real, Master, you spittin' facts: there’s only one God, and that’s it."

33Loving him with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, plus loving your neighbor as yourself, is way better than all the burnt offerings and sacrifices.

34When Jesus saw he answered smartly, he was like, "You’re not far from the kingdom of God, fr." After that, no one dared to ask him anything.

35Jesus was teaching in the temple and was like, "Why do the scribes say Christ is David's Son?"

36David himself said through the Holy Spirit, "The Lord said to my Lord, 'Chill at my right hand until I make your enemies your footstool.'"

37So David calls him Lord; how’s he then his son? The crowd was vibing with him, for real.

38He told them in his teachings, "Watch out for the scribes who flex long robes and love being greeted in the marketplaces."

39They want the best seats in synagogues and the top spots at feasts, no doubt.

40They’re out here taking advantage of widows’ houses and putting on a show with long prayers; these peeps are gonna face serious consequences.

41Jesus was chillin' by the treasury, peepin' how people were flexin' their cash. The rich ones were droppin' stacks, no cap.

42Then a broke widow pulls up and drops in two tiny coins, like, literally nothin'.

43He called his crew over and was like, "For real, this poor widow just gave more than all those rich folks combined."

44They were givin' from their extra, but she straight up gave everything she had, no cap.

1And he began to speak unto them by parables. A certain man planted a vineyard, and set an hedge about it, and digged a place for the winefat, and built a tower, and let it out to husbandmen, and went into a far country.

2And at the season he sent to the husbandmen a servant, that he might receive from the husbandmen of the fruit of the vineyard.

3And they caught him, and beat him, and sent him away empty.

4And again he sent unto them another servant; and at him they cast stones, and wounded him in the head, and sent him away shamefully handled.

5And again he sent another; and him they killed, and many others; beating some, and killing some.

6Having yet therefore one son, his wellbeloved, he sent him also last unto them, saying, They will reverence my son.

7But those husbandmen said among themselves, This is the heir; come, let us kill him, and the inheritance shall be ours.

8And they took him, and killed him, and cast him out of the vineyard.

9What shall therefore the lord of the vineyard do? he will come and destroy the husbandmen, and will give the vineyard unto others.

10And have ye not read this scripture; The stone which the builders rejected is become the head of the corner:

11This was the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes?

12And they sought to lay hold on him, but feared the people: for they knew that he had spoken the parable against them: and they left him, and went their way.

13And they send unto him certain of the Pharisees and of the Herodians, to catch him in his words.

14And when they were come, they say unto him, Master, we know that thou art true, and carest for no man: for thou regardest not the person of men, but teachest the way of God in truth: Is it lawful to give tribute to Cesar, or not?

15Shall we give, or shall we not give? But he, knowing their hypocrisy, said unto them, Why tempt ye me? bring me a penny, that I may see it.

16And they brought it. And he saith unto them, Whose is this image and superscription? And they said unto him, Cesar’s.

17And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to Cesar the things that are Cesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s. And they marvelled at him.

18Then come unto him the Sadducees, which say there is no resurrection; and they asked him, saying,

19Master, Moses wrote unto us, If a man’s brother die, and leave his wife behind him, and leave no children, that his brother should take his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother.

20Now there were seven brethren: and the first took a wife, and dying left no seed.

21And the second took her, and died, neither left he any seed: and the third likewise.

22And the seven had her, and left no seed: last of all the woman died also.

23In the resurrection therefore, when they shall rise, whose wife shall she be of them? for the seven had her to wife.

24And Jesus answering said unto them, Do ye not therefore err, because ye know not the scriptures, neither the power of God?

25For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven.

26And as touching the dead, that they rise: have ye not read in the book of Moses, how in the bush God spake unto him, saying, I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob?

27He is not the God of the dead, but the God of the living: ye therefore do greatly err.

28And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all?

29And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord:

30And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

31And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

32And the scribe said unto him, Well, Master, thou hast said the truth: for there is one God; and there is none other but he:

33And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.

34And when Jesus saw that he answered discreetly, he said unto him, Thou art not far from the kingdom of God. And no man after that durst ask him any question.

35And Jesus answered and said, while he taught in the temple, How say the scribes that Christ is the Son of David?

36For David himself said by the Holy Ghost, The Lord said to my Lord, Sit thou on my right hand, till I make thine enemies thy footstool.

37David therefore himself calleth him Lord; and whence is he then his son? And the common people heard him gladly.

38And he said unto them in his doctrine, Beware of the scribes, which love to go in long clothing, and love salutations in the marketplaces,

39And the chief seats in the synagogues, and the uppermost rooms at feasts:

40Which devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayers: these shall receive greater damnation.

41And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much.

42And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing.

43And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:

44For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.