Gen Z: Mark 10
1He bounced from there and hit up the Judea coast across the Jordan, and the squad rolled up on him again; he was teaching them like usual, fr.
2The Pharisees pulled up and asked him, "Is it cool for a dude to ditch his wife?" Trying to catch him slipping, no cap.
3He clapped back and said, "What did Moses say to you?"
4They replied, "Moses let us write a divorce paper and send her away."
5Jesus hit them with, "He wrote that because your hearts are hard, fr."
6But from the jump, God made them dude and girl.
7That's why a guy leaves his fam and vibes with his wife;
8And they’re basically one unit now: no more two, just one flesh, periodt.
9What God has linked up, no one should break apart, for real.
10Later, in the crib, his crew asked him about the same thing again.
11Jesus said, "If you ditch your wifey and marry someone else, that’s straight-up sus."
12"And if a girl leaves her hubby to get hitched to another, that's also mad sus."
13They brought their little ones to Jesus for some love, but the squad was like, "Nah, chill."
14But Jesus was not having it and said, "Let the kids come through, no cap. They’re the real MVPs in the kingdom."
15"For real, if you don’t vibe with the kingdom like a kid, you ain't getting in."
16He scooped them up, gave them some rizz, and blessed them.
17Then a dude came running up, knelt down, and asked, “Yo, good teacher, what’s the key to eternal life?”
18Jesus said, “Why you calling me good? Only God’s got that title, fr.”
19"You know the rules: No cheating, no killing, no stealing, no lying, and show love to your fam."
20The guy replied, “Teacher, I’ve been keeping it 100 with all that since I was a kid.”
21Jesus peeped him and felt some type of way, saying, "Yo, you missing one thing: bounce, sell your stuff, give to the poor, and you’ll stack treasure in heaven. Then come through, pick up your cross, and roll with me."
22Dude was bummed about that and dipped, feeling all kinds of ways, 'cause he had mad cash.
23Jesus looked around and told his crew, "It's tough for rich peeps to get into God’s kingdom, fr!"
24The squad was shook by his words. Jesus hit them with, "Listen up, fam, it’s super hard for those who trust their cash to get into God’s kingdom!"
25It's way easier for a camel to squeeze through a needle's eye than for a rich dude to enter God's kingdom, no cap.
26They were totally mind-blown, asking each other, "So who can even get saved?"
27Jesus looked at them and said, "With humans, it’s a no-go, but with God? Everything’s possible, periodt."
28Then Peter was like, "Ayo, we dipped from everything to follow you."
29Jesus replied, "For real, no one who leaves their crib, fam, or homies for my sake and the gospel’s..."
30"...won’t get back a hundred times now—houses, fam, and lands, plus some drama; and later, eternal life in the next world."
31But like, the first peeps will end up last, and the last ones will pop off first.
32As they were vibing their way to Jerusalem, Jesus was leading the squad, and they were shook. He pulled the twelve aside and started spilling the tea on what was gonna go down.
33He was like, "Yo, we’re heading to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man is gonna get handed over to the big shots and the scribes; they’re gonna roast him to death and hand him over to the Gentiles."
34They’re gonna clown him, whip him, spit on him, and then cap his life: but on the third day, he’s gonna rise up again.
35Then James and John, Zebedee’s sons, rolled up to him, saying, "Yo, Master, can you do us a solid and give us whatever we ask?"
36He replied, "What do you want me to do for you, fam?"
37They said, "Let us chill, one on your right and the other on your left, in your glory."
38But Jesus was like, "Y’all don’t even know what you’re asking: can you handle the cup I’m about to drink from? And vibe with the baptism I’m about to get?"
39They said, "We got this." And Jesus was like, "For real, you will drink from the cup I drink from, and you’ll get baptized with the baptism I’m about to have."
40But sitting on my right or left isn’t my call to make; it’s for the ones it’s been prepared for, no cap.
41When the ten peeps heard this, they were lowkey mad at James and John.
42But Jesus was like, "Yo, come here. You know how the bosses flex on the Gentiles? Yeah, it’s like that."
43But nah, that’s not how we roll. Whoever wants to be dope among you, gotta serve everyone, fr.
44Whoever wants to be the GOAT has to be the servant of all.
45For even the Son of Man didn’t come to be served, but to serve and drop his life for the squad.
46They rolled up to Jericho, and as he was leaving with his crew and a crowd, blind Bartimeus was out here begging by the road.
47When he heard it was Jesus from Nazareth, he started shouting, "Yo, Jesus, Son of David, show me some mercy!"
48A bunch of people were like, "Chill out," but he yelled even louder, "Son of David, have mercy on me!"
49Jesus stopped and told them to bring him over. They called the blind dude, saying, "Stay lit, get up; he’s calling you!"
50He tossed off his coat, stood up, and bounced over to Jesus.
51Jesus was like, "Yo, what do you want me to do for you?" The blind dude replied, "Lord, I just wanna see again."
52Jesus told him, "Bet, your faith just leveled you up." And instantly, he could see and started vibing with Jesus.