Gen Z: Leviticus 15
1And the Lord was like, "Yo Moses and Aaron, listen up!"
2Tell the squad of Israel, "If any dude's got a running issue from his body, he's lowkey unclean."
3This is how you know he's unclean: if his flesh is dripping or if it's all stopped up, still unclean vibes.
4Every bed he chills on is unclean, and anything he sits on? Yeah, that's also a no-go.
5If you touch his bed, you gotta wash your drip and hit the shower, and you're unclean until the evening.
6If you sit on anything he sat on, wash your clothes, hit the water, and you're unclean until the evening too.
7If you touch the skin of the dude with the issue, wash your clothes and bathe, and you're unclean until the evening.
8If the guy with the issue spits on someone clean, that person needs to wash their clothes and bathe, unclean until the evening.
9Whatever saddle he rides is also unclean, no cap.
10If you touch anything under him, you're unclean until evening; anyone carrying that stuff needs to wash their clothes and bathe, unclean until the evening.
11If anyone touches someone with a situation and hasn’t washed their hands, they gotta wash their clothes and dip in water, and they’re unclean until evening, no cap.
12Any clay pot they touch is getting wrecked, and wooden stuff needs a rinse in water, fr.
13When the person with the issue gets cleaned up, they gotta count seven days for their cleanse, wash their clothes, and chill in running water to be clean, periodt.
14On day eight, they gotta grab two turtledoves or two young pigeons and roll up to the Lord at the tabernacle door to give them to the priest, bet.
15The priest’s gonna offer one as a sin offering and the other as a burnt offering; he’ll make atonement for the person before the Lord for their situation, it’s lit.
16If a dude’s seed spills out, he’s gotta wash his whole body in water and be unclean until evening, no cap.
17Every piece of clothing and skin with that seed has to be washed with water and is unclean until evening, no lie.
18The woman he’s with has to dip in water too, and they’re both unclean until evening, for real.
19If a woman’s got an issue and it’s blood, she’s out for seven days; anyone who touches her is unclean until evening, fr.
20Everything she lies on during her time is unclean, and anything she sits on is unclean too, periodt.
21If you touch her bed, you gotta wash your drip and hit the shower, then you're good until evening, no cap.
22Touch anything she sat on? Same deal, wash your fit and clean up, and you're unclean until evening, periodt.
23If it's her bed or anything she’s been chillin’ on, touching it makes you unclean until evening, fr.
24If a dude lays with her and she’s got her vibes on him, he’s unclean for a week, and the bed's a no-go too, savage.
25If a girl’s got her flow going for days past her time, she’s unclean just like her separation days, that’s the vibe.
26Every bed she uses during her flow is like her separation bed, and anything she sits on is also unclean, no cap.
27Touch those things? You're unclean, gotta wash your clothes and hit the shower, and you're unclean until evening, bet.
28But if she gets cleaned up, she counts seven days for herself, then she’s all good.
29On day eight, she brings two turtles or two young pigeons to the priest at the tabernacle door, lit.
30The priest will offer one for sin and the other for burnt vibes, making atonement for her before the Lord for her uncleanness.
31So y'all gotta keep the kids of Israel away from the bad vibes, or they’ll catch some serious trouble when they mess with my spot.
32This is the rule for anyone with a situation going on, or if they’re dealing with some sus stuff.
33And for the girl with the rough time, plus the dude with issues, whether he’s with her or not, it’s all just not chill.