1So these are the nations the Lord left to test Israel, for those who didn’t know the wars of Canaan, no cap.

2Just so the kids of Israel could learn about war, especially those who were totally clueless before, fr.

3Like, five bosses from the Philistines, all the Canaanites, Sidonians, and Hivites chillin’ in mount Lebanon, from Baal-hermon to Hamath, vibes.

4They were there to test Israel, to see if they would listen to the Lord's commands, which he gave to their ancestors through Moses, periodt.

5The children of Israel were living among the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites, savage.

6They took their daughters as wifeys, gave their daughters to their sons, and served their gods, bussin’.

7The children of Israel did bad things in the sight of the Lord, forgot Him, and served Baalim and the groves, sus.

8So the Lord got mad at Israel and sold them to Chushan-rishathaim, king of Mesopotamia; they served him for eight years, lit.

9When the kids of Israel cried out to the Lord, He raised up a savior for them, Othniel, Caleb’s younger bro, who delivered them, bet.

10The Spirit of the Lord came on him, and he judged Israel, went to war, and the Lord handed Chushan-rishathaim over to him; he totally crushed it, no cap.

11The land was chill for forty years, then Othniel, son of Kenaz, passed away.

12The Israelites went back to being sus in God's eyes, so God gave Eglon, the Moab king, some serious power against them.

13He gathered the Ammonites and Amalekites, went hard on Israel, and took over the city of palm trees.

14The Israelites were serving Eglon, king of Moab, for eighteen long years.

15But when they cried out to God, He sent them a savage deliverer, Ehud, the left-handed Benjamite, and they brought gifts to Eglon, the king of Moab.

16Ehud crafted a dope dagger, double-edged and about a cubit long, and strapped it under his clothes on his right thigh.

17He brought the gifts to Eglon, who was a super hefty dude.

18After he finished giving the gifts, he sent the gift-bearers away.

19But he dipped back from the quarries near Gilgal and said, "Yo, I got a secret for you, king." Eglon told everyone to chill, and they all bounced.

20Ehud approached him while he was chilling in his private summer lounge, and said, "I got a message from God for you." Eglon stood up from his seat.

21Ehud straight up used his left hand, pulled out the dagger from his right thigh, and stabbed it right in his belly, no cap.

22The handle went in too, and the fat just swallowed the blade, so he couldn’t pull it out; it was a whole mess.

23Then Ehud dipped out through the porch, closed the doors to the chill spot, and locked them up tight.

24When he bounced, his crew showed up; seeing the locked doors, they were like, “He’s just chilling, probably napping.”

25They waited until they felt kinda awkward, and since he didn’t open the doors, they grabbed a key and opened it; then they saw their dude was flat out dead.

26Ehud slipped away while they were waiting and made it past the quarries, escaping to Seirath.

27When he got there, he blew the trumpet on Ephraim's mountain, and the Israelites rolled down with him, he leading the way.

28He was like, “Follow me, fam! The Lord just handed you the Moabites.” They chased after him and took the Jordan crossings, not letting anyone through.

29They wiped out about ten thousand Moabites that day, all fit and fierce; nobody made it out alive.

30So that day, Moab got wrecked under Israel’s hand, and the land chilled for eighty years.

31Then there’s Shamgar, Anath's kid, who took out 600 Philistines with just an ox goad. He was a total legend for Israel, no cap.

1Now these are the nations which the Lord left, to prove Israel by them, even as many of Israel as had not known all the wars of Canaan;

2Only that the generations of the children of Israel might know, to teach them war, at the least such as before knew nothing thereof;

3Namely, five lords of the Philistines, and all the Canaanites, and the Sidonians, and the Hivites that dwelt in mount Lebanon, from mount Baal–hermon unto the entering in of Hamath.

4And they were to prove Israel by them, to know whether they would hearken unto the commandments of the Lord, which he commanded their fathers by the hand of Moses.

5And the children of Israel dwelt among the Canaanites, Hittites, and Amorites, and Perizzites, and Hivites, and Jebusites:

6And they took their daughters to be their wives, and gave their daughters to their sons, and served their gods.

7And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord, and forgat the Lord their God, and served Baalim and the groves.

8Therefore the anger of the Lord was hot against Israel, and he sold them into the hand of Chushan–rishathaim king of Mesopotamia: and the children of Israel served Chushan–rishathaim eight years.

9And when the children of Israel cried unto the Lord, the Lord raised up a deliverer to the children of Israel, who delivered them, even Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb’s younger brother.

10And the Spirit of the Lord came upon him, and he judged Israel, and went out to war: and the Lord delivered Chushan–rishathaim king of Mesopotamia into his hand; and his hand prevailed against Chushan–rishathaim.

11And the land had rest forty years. And Othniel the son of Kenaz died.

12And the children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the Lord: and the Lord strengthened Eglon the king of Moab against Israel, because they had done evil in the sight of the Lord.

13And he gathered unto him the children of Ammon and Amalek, and went and smote Israel, and possessed the city of palm trees.

14So the children of Israel served Eglon the king of Moab eighteen years.

15But when the children of Israel cried unto the Lord, the Lord raised them up a deliverer, Ehud the son of Gera, a Benjamite, a man lefthanded: and by him the children of Israel sent a present unto Eglon the king of Moab.

16But Ehud made him a dagger which had two edges, of a cubit length; and he did gird it under his raiment upon his right thigh.

17And he brought the present unto Eglon king of Moab: and Eglon was a very fat man.

18And when he had made an end to offer the present, he sent away the people that bare the present.

19But he himself turned again from the quarries that were by Gilgal, and said, I have a secret errand unto thee, O king: who said, Keep silence. And all that stood by him went out from him.

20And Ehud came unto him; and he was sitting in a summer parlour, which he had for himself alone. And Ehud said, I have a message from God unto thee. And he arose out of his seat.

21And Ehud put forth his left hand, and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly:

22And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out.

23Then Ehud went forth through the porch, and shut the doors of the parlour upon him, and locked them.

24When he was gone out, his servants came; and when they saw that, behold, the doors of the parlour were locked, they said, Surely he covereth his feet in his summer chamber.

25And they tarried till they were ashamed: and, behold, he opened not the doors of the parlour; therefore they took a key, and opened them: and, behold, their lord was fallen down dead on the earth.

26And Ehud escaped while they tarried, and passed beyond the quarries, and escaped unto Seirath.

27And it came to pass, when he was come, that he blew a trumpet in the mountain of Ephraim, and the children of Israel went down with him from the mount, and he before them.

28And he said unto them, Follow after me: for the Lord hath delivered your enemies the Moabites into your hand. And they went down after him, and took the fords of Jordan toward Moab, and suffered not a man to pass over.

29And they slew of Moab at that time about ten thousand men, all lusty, and all men of valour; and there escaped not a man.

30So Moab was subdued that day under the hand of Israel. And the land had rest fourscore years.

31And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, which slew of the Philistines six hundred men with an ox goad: and he also delivered Israel.