Gen Z: Joshua 11
1So, Jabin, the king of Hazor, heard the tea and hit up Jobab, king of Madon, and the kings of Shimron and Achshaph, like, "Let’s squad up."
2He also reached out to the kings chillin' in the north mountains and the plains south of Chinneroth, plus the valley and the borders of Dor on the west, no cap.
3And to the Canaanites on both sides, the Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, and Jebusites in the mountains, plus the Hivites under Hermon in Mizpeh, like, "What’s good?"
4They rolled out with all their crews, mad people, like the sand on the beach, with hella horses and chariots, it was wild.
5When all these kings linked up, they camped by the waters of Merom, ready to throw down against Israel, fr.
6The Lord told Joshua, "Chill, don’t be scared of them: tomorrow, I’m handing them over, all taken out before Israel. You’re gonna chop their horses and burn their chariots, periodt."
7So Joshua and his whole squad pulled up on them by the waters of Merom outta nowhere, and they went savage on them.
8The Lord gave them into Israel's hands, who took them down and chased them all the way to Zidon and Misrephoth-maim, and to the valley of Mizpeh eastward; they didn’t leave a single one standing.
9Joshua did exactly what the Lord said: he chopped their horses and lit their chariots on fire, no cap.
10Then Joshua turned back and took Hazor, and he took out the king with the sword; Hazor was the big boss of all those kingdoms.
11They took out everyone in there with the sword, totally wiped them out; no one was left breathing, and he set Hazor on fire, straight up.
12Joshua took all the cities of those kings, slayed them with the sword, and totally destroyed them, just like Moses told him to do.
13But for the cities that were still standing strong, Israel burned none except Hazor, that one got lit.
14And all the loot from those cities, and the cattle, the Israelites took for themselves; but everyone else they took out with the sword, leaving no one to breathe.
15Just like the Lord told Moses, Moses told Joshua, and Joshua did it; he left nothing undone from what the Lord commanded Moses, fr.
16So Joshua took all that land, the hills, south country, Goshen, the valley, the plain, and the mountain of Israel, you feel me?
17From mount Halak up to Seir, all the way to Baal-gad in the valley of Lebanon under mount Hermon; he took out all their kings, no mercy.
18Joshua was in war mode for a long time with all those kings.
19Not a single city made peace with Israel, except for the Hivites from Gibeon; all others got taken in battle, no cap.
20It was the Lord's plan to harden their hearts so they’d come against Israel in battle, to wipe them out completely, just like He told Moses to do.
21At that time, Joshua came and took out the Anakims from the mountains—Hebron, Debir, Anab, and all the mountains of Judah and Israel; he wiped them out and their cities, savage.
22There were no Anakims left in the land of Israel, only in Gaza, Gath, and Ashdod, where they were still chillin'.
23So Joshua took the whole land, just like the Lord said to Moses; he gave it as an inheritance to Israel, divided by their tribes. And the land finally had some peace from war.