Gen Z: Joshua 10
1So, Adoni–zedek, the king of Jerusalem, heard how Joshua totally wrecked Ai, just like he did with Jericho and its king. Gibeon was vibing with Israel, so it was all chill.
2They were shook, 'cause Gibeon was a big deal, like a royal city, and way stronger than Ai, with some serious rizz on their squad.
3Adoni–zedek hit up Hoham, king of Hebron, Piram, king of Jarmuth, Japhia, king of Lachish, and Debir, king of Eglon, saying,
4"Yo, come through and help me out so we can take down Gibeon, 'cause they’re tight with Joshua and the Israel crew."
5So the five kings of the Amorites, including the king of Jerusalem, Hebron, Jarmuth, Lachish, and Eglon, gathered their squads and rolled up on Gibeon to start some drama.
6The Gibeon homies sent a message to Joshua at Gilgal, like, "Don’t ghost us; come quick and save us, 'cause all the kings of the Amorites are coming for us."
7Joshua bounced from Gilgal with his whole war crew and all the goated warriors.
8The Lord told Joshua, "No cap, don’t be scared of them; I got you covered, and none of them will stand against you."
9Joshua pulled up on them outta nowhere and made the trek from Gilgal all night.
10The Lord straight-up threw them off their game before Israel, taking them out big time at Gibeon and chasing them on the way to Beth–horon, wrecking them all the way to Azekah and Makkedah.
11So, as they were bouncing from Israel, headed down to Beth-horon, the Lord dropped massive stones from the sky on them, and they were donezo: more peeps got taken out by the hail than by the Israelites' swords.
12Then Joshua hit up the Lord on the day He served the Amorites to Israel, saying, "Yo Sun, just chill in Gibeon; and you, Moon, stay in the Ajalon valley."
13And the sun just vibed there, and the moon was like, "I’m not moving," until the people got their revenge on their enemies. Ain’t this in the book of Jasher? The sun was lit, just hanging out in the sky, not going down for a whole day.
14There’s never been a day like that, before or after, when the Lord listened to a dude: 'cause the Lord was out here fighting for Israel.
15Then Joshua came back, with all of Israel, to the camp at Gilgal.
16But those five kings dipped and hid in a cave at Makkedah.
17And Joshua got the tea that the five kings were hiding in a cave at Makkedah.
18Joshua said, "Roll some big stones over the cave entrance, and put some guys there to keep watch."
19And don’t just chill, go after your enemies and take out the stragglers; don’t let them get back to their cities, 'cause the Lord your God has handed them to you.
20So, when Joshua and the Israelites finished taking them out with a major slaughter, until they were all gone, the rest that remained ran into the fortified cities.
21Everyone rolled back to camp with Joshua at Makkedah, all chill vibes; no one was talking smack about the Israelites.
22Then Joshua was like, "Yo, open that cave up and bring me those five kings."
23They did it, and out came those five kings: the king of Jerusalem, Hebron, Jarmuth, Lachish, and Eglon.
24When they brought the kings to Joshua, he called all the Israel dudes over and told the war captains, "Come through, step on these kings' necks." They rolled up and did just that.
25Joshua said, "No cap, don’t be scared or shook; be strong and brave. This is how the Lord rolls with all your enemies."
26Then Joshua took them out, took them down, and hung them on five trees; they were chilling there until evening.
27When the sun was setting, Joshua told them to take the kings down from the trees and toss them into the cave where they were hiding, putting big rocks at the cave's mouth that are still there today.
28That day, Joshua took Makkedah, sliced it up with the sword, totally wrecked the king and everyone there; he didn’t let anyone slide, just like he did with Jericho’s king.
29Then Joshua and all Israel dipped from Makkedah to Libnah and threw down against Libnah.
30The Lord handed it over, along with its king, to Israel; they took it out with the sword and didn’t leave anyone behind, just like with Jericho’s king.
31Joshua rolled out from Libnah with the whole squad to Lachish, set up camp, and got ready to throw down.
32The Lord handed Lachish to Israel, and they took it on day two, slicing through with the sword, just like they did with Libnah.
33Then Horam, the king of Gezer, showed up to back Lachish; Joshua clapped him and his crew until nobody was left.
34From Lachish, Joshua dipped to Eglon with the whole crew; they set up camp and got ready to fight.
35They snagged it that day, took it out with the sword, and wiped out everyone there, just like they did with Lachish.
36Joshua bounced from Eglon with the squad to Hebron, and they threw down there.
37They took it, sliced through with the sword, and wiped out the king and all the cities; nobody was left, just like Eglon.
38Joshua came back with all Israel to Debir and got ready to fight.
39They took it, the king, and all the cities, slashed them with the sword, and completely wiped out everyone there, just like he did to Hebron and Libnah.
40So Joshua took out all the hills, the south, the valleys, and the springs, and all their kings; nobody was left, just like the Lord God of Israel said.
41Joshua straight up took out those foes from Kadesh-barnea to Gaza, and all the vibes in Goshen to Gibeon.
42Joshua snagged all those kings and their land at once, 'cause the Lord God of Israel was fighting for the squad.
43Joshua rolled back with all of Israel to the camp at Gilgal, no cap.