Gen Z: Genesis 38
1So, like, Judah dipped from his fam and linked up with this dude Hirah from Adullam.
2He saw this Canaanite girl named Shuah and was like, "Bet," and they got together.
3She got preggo and had a son, and he named him Er.
4Then she got preggo again and had another son, naming him Onan.
5She went for round three, had another son, and named him Shelah while chilling at Chezib.
6Judah snagged a wifey for his firstborn Er, and her name was Tamar.
7But Er was mad sus in the Lord's eyes, so the Lord took him out.
8Judah said to Onan, "Go marry your bro’s wifey and help him out with some kids."
9Onan knew the kids wouldn’t be his, so when he got with his bro's wife, he spilled it on the ground.
10The Lord was not vibing with that, so He took Onan out too.
11Judah told Tamar, "Chill at your dad’s place until Shelah is grown, no cap, don't wanna lose another son."
12Time passed, and Shuah, Judah’s wife, passed away. Judah was feeling better and went to Timnath to shear sheep with Hirah.
13Tamar got the tea that her father-in-law was headed to Timnath to shear his sheep.
14She took off her widow clothes, put on a veil, and sat by the road to Timnath, 'cause she saw Shelah was grown but wasn’t given to him.
15Judah saw her and thought she was a hustler since her face was covered.
16He rolled up to her and was like, "Yo, can I come through?" (He had no idea she was his daughter-in-law.) She asked, "What you gonna give me?"
17He said, "I’ll send you a goat from the flock." She was like, "Bet, but can I get a promise until then?"
18He asked, "What promise do you want?" She said, "Your signet, bracelets, and staff." He gave them to her, and they got together, and she got preggo.
19She bounced, took off the veil, and put on her widow clothes again.
20Judah sent the goat with his homie Hirah to get his stuff back from the woman, but he couldn’t find her.
21He asked the locals, "Where’s the hustler who was chilling by the road?" They were like, "No hustler here, fam."
22He went back to Judah and said, "Can’t find her, and the locals say there’s no hustler."
23Judah was like, "Let her keep it, we don’t wanna be embarrassed. I sent a goat, and she’s MIA."
24A few months later, Judah heard the news: "Tamar’s been acting like a hustler, and she’s preggo." Judah was like, "Bring her out, she should be burned."
25When she was brought out, she sent a message to her father-in-law saying, "I’m preggo by the dude who owns these. Check the signet, bracelets, and staff."
26Judah recognized them and said, "She’s more righteous than me, 'cause I didn’t give her to Shelah." He never got with her again.
27When it was time for her to give birth, surprise, she was having twins!
28During her labor, one baby put out his hand, and the midwife tied a red thread on it, saying, "This one’s first."
29But then the other brother came out too, and she was like, "Whoa, you broke out first! You get the name Pharez."
30After that, the other brother came out with the red thread, and they named him Zarah.