1The ark of the Lord was chillin' in Philistine land for seven months, no cap.

2The Philistines hit up their priests and diviners, like, "What’s the move with the ark? Where do we send it?"

3They said, "If you send the ark back, don’t do it empty; bring a trespass offering, and then you’ll be healed, fr."

4They were like, "So what’s the trespass offering?" And the answer was five golden emerods and five golden mice, 'cause one plague hit all y’all and your lords.

5So, make some images of your emerods and mice that messed up the land, and give props to the God of Israel, maybe He’ll ease up on you and your gods, periodt.

6Why y’all gotta harden your hearts like the Egyptians and Pharaoh? Didn’t they let the people go after God showed off?

7So, make a new cart, grab two milch kine that ain't ever been yoked, tie them to the cart, and take their calves back home.

8Put the ark of the Lord on the cart, and toss in the gold jewels you’re returning as a trespass offering, then send it off.

9If it rolls up to Beth-shemesh on its own, then we know it’s legit; if not, it’s just a random chance, no cap.

10The guys did just that; they took two milch kine, tied them to the cart, and locked up their calves at home.

11They set the ark of the Lord on the cart along with the coffer of gold mice and images of their emerods.

12The kine went straight to Beth-shemesh, mooing the whole way, not turning left or right, while the Philistine lords followed them to the border.

13The peeps of Beth-shemesh were harvesting wheat and looked up, saw the ark, and were hyped to see it.

14The cart rolled into Joshua’s field, a Beth-shemite, and stopped by a big stone; they chopped up the cart wood and offered the kine as a burnt offering to the Lord.

15The Levites took down the ark and the coffer with the gold jewels, placing them on the great stone, and the people of Beth-shemesh offered burnt offerings and sacrifices to the Lord that day.

16When the five lords of the Philistines saw it, they bounced back to Ekron that same day.

17These are the golden emerods the Philistines sent back as a trespass offering to the Lord: one for Ashdod, one for Gaza, one for Askelon, one for Gath, and one for Ekron.

18And the golden mice matched the number of all the Philistine cities for the five lords, from fortified cities to country villages, even to the great stone of Abel where they set down the ark, which still stands in Joshua’s field today.

19He smote the men of Beth-shemesh 'cause they looked into the ark, taking out fifty thousand and seventy men; the people were bummed because the Lord had taken out so many.

20The men of Beth-shemesh were like, "Who can stand before this holy Lord God? Where should He go from us?"

21They sent messengers to the folks in Kirjath-jearim, saying, "The Philistines brought back the ark of the Lord; come down and scoop it up!"

1And the ark of the Lord was in the country of the Philistines seven months.

2And the Philistines called for the priests and the diviners, saying, What shall we do to the ark of the Lord? tell us wherewith we shall send it to his place.

3And they said, If ye send away the ark of the God of Israel, send it not empty; but in any wise return him a trespass offering: then ye shall be healed, and it shall be known to you why his hand is not removed from you.

4Then said they, What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods, and five golden mice, according to the number of the lords of the Philistines: for one plague was on you all, and on your lords.

5Wherefore ye shall make images of your emerods, and images of your mice that mar the land; and ye shall give glory unto the God of Israel: peradventure he will lighten his hand from off you, and from off your gods, and from off your land.

6Wherefore then do ye harden your hearts, as the Egyptians and Pharaoh hardened their hearts? when he had wrought wonderfully among them, did they not let the people go, and they departed?

7Now therefore make a new cart, and take two milch kine, on which there hath come no yoke, and tie the kine to the cart, and bring their calves home from them:

8And take the ark of the Lord, and lay it upon the cart; and put the jewels of gold, which ye return him for a trespass offering, in a coffer by the side thereof; and send it away, that it may go.

9And see, if it goeth up by the way of his own coast to Beth–shemesh, then he hath done us this great evil: but if not, then we shall know that it is not his hand that smote us; it was a chance that happened to us.

10And the men did so; and took two milch kine, and tied them to the cart, and shut up their calves at home:

11And they laid the ark of the Lord upon the cart, and the coffer with the mice of gold and the images of their emerods.

12And the kine took the straight way to the way of Beth–shemesh, and went along the highway, lowing as they went, and turned not aside to the right hand or to the left; and the lords of the Philistines went after them unto the border of Beth–shemesh.

13And they of Beth–shemesh were reaping their wheat harvest in the valley: and they lifted up their eyes, and saw the ark, and rejoiced to see it.

14And the cart came into the field of Joshua, a Beth–shemite, and stood there, where there was a great stone: and they clave the wood of the cart, and offered the kine a burnt offering unto the Lord.

15And the Levites took down the ark of the Lord, and the coffer that was with it, wherein the jewels of gold were, and put them on the great stone: and the men of Beth–shemesh offered burnt offerings and sacrificed sacrifices the same day unto the Lord.

16And when the five lords of the Philistines had seen it, they returned to Ekron the same day.

17And these are the golden emerods which the Philistines returned for a trespass offering unto the Lord; for Ashdod one, for Gaza one, for Askelon one, for Gath one, for Ekron one;

18And the golden mice, according to the number of all the cities of the Philistines belonging to the five lords, both of fenced cities, and of country villages, even unto the great stone of Abel, whereon they set down the ark of the Lord: which stone remaineth unto this day in the field of Joshua, the Beth–shemite.

19And he smote the men of Beth–shemesh, because they had looked into the ark of the Lord, even he smote of the people fifty thousand and threescore and ten men: and the people lamented, because the Lord had smitten many of the people with a great slaughter.

20And the men of Beth–shemesh said, Who is able to stand before this holy Lord God? and to whom shall he go up from us?

21And they sent messengers to the inhabitants of Kirjath–jearim, saying, The Philistines have brought again the ark of the Lord; come ye down, and fetch it up to you.