1So, like, Naboth from Jezreel had this dope vineyard right by King Ahab's palace in Samaria. Major vibes.

2Ahab hits up Naboth, like, "Yo, gimme that vineyard for my herb garden since it’s close to my crib. I’ll hook you up with a better one or cash, no cap."

3Naboth was like, "Nah fam, that’s a hard pass. God said I can’t give up my fam’s land."

4Ahab went home all mopey and salty about Naboth's response. He flopped on his bed, turned his back, and was like, "Not hungry, periodt."

5Jezebel, his wifey, rolled in and asked, "Why you looking so down, babe? You ain't eating?"

6Ahab replied, "I asked Naboth for his vineyard for cash or a trade, but he’s like, 'No way.' So here we are."

7Jezebel shot back, "Are you even king of Israel right now? Get up, eat something, and chill. I’ll snag Naboth's vineyard for you."

8So she wrote letters in Ahab's name, stamped them with his seal, and sent them to the elders and nobles chillin' with Naboth.

9The letters said, "Call a fast and put Naboth front and center with the crew."

10"Then get two sus dudes to accuse him of cursing God and the king. Drag him out and stone him, so he’s outta here."

11The city dudes, like the elders and the rich folks, totally did what Jezebel told them to do, just like she wrote in those letters.

12They called for a fast and put Naboth on blast in front of everyone.

13Then two shady dudes rolled in, and they sat down to spill the tea: they said Naboth was blaspheming God and the king. They dragged him outta the city and stoned him to death.

14They hit up Jezebel, like, "Yo, Naboth got stoned and he’s dead."

15When Jezebel heard Naboth was dead, she told Ahab, "Get up and claim that vineyard Naboth wouldn’t sell you for cash: he’s gone, no cap."

16When Ahab found out Naboth was dead, he got up to go snag that vineyard.

17Then the Lord slid into Elijah’s DMs, saying,

18"Yo, go meet Ahab, king of Israel, in Samaria: he’s in Naboth’s vineyard, trying to claim it."

19And you gotta tell him, "The Lord says, did you kill and take what ain’t yours? For real, where dogs licked Naboth’s blood, they’ll lick your blood too."

20Ahab was like, "You found me, my enemy?" And Elijah was like, "Yeah, I found you, 'cause you’ve been out here doing shady stuff in the Lord’s eyes."

21Yo, I’m about to bring some serious bad vibes on you, taking away your fam, and cutting off everyone who’s not about it in Israel, no cap.

22I’m gonna make your house look like Jeroboam’s and Baasha’s, ‘cause you’ve been pushing my buttons and making Israel mess up, fr.

23And about Jezebel, the Lord said, “The dogs are gonna feast on her by the wall of Jezreel, savage.”

24Whoever dies in the city, the dogs are gonna eat; and whoever dies in the field, the birds are gonna snack on, periodt.

25But Ahab? There’s no one else like him, he totally sold out to do evil in my sight, all thanks to his wife Jezebel stirring the pot.

26He went full sus with the idols, just like the Amorites, whom the Lord kicked out before the Israelites, for real.

27When Ahab heard that, he ripped his clothes, threw on some sackcloth, fasted, and was like, "I gotta chill."

28Then the word of the Lord hit up Elijah the Tishbite, saying,

29“You see how Ahab’s humbling himself before me? ‘Cause he’s doing that, I won’t bring the bad vibes during his time, but I’ll drop it on his son’s house, bet.”

1And it came to pass after these things, that Naboth the Jezreelite had a vineyard, which was in Jezreel, hard by the palace of Ahab king of Samaria.

2And Ahab spake unto Naboth, saying, Give me thy vineyard, that I may have it for a garden of herbs, because it is near unto my house: and I will give thee for it a better vineyard than it; or, if it seem good to thee, I will give thee the worth of it in money.

3And Naboth said to Ahab, The Lord forbid it me, that I should give the inheritance of my fathers unto thee.

4And Ahab came into his house heavy and displeased because of the word which Naboth the Jezreelite had spoken to him: for he had said, I will not give thee the inheritance of my fathers. And he laid him down upon his bed, and turned away his face, and would eat no bread.

5But Jezebel his wife came to him, and said unto him, Why is thy spirit so sad, that thou eatest no bread?

6And he said unto her, Because I spake unto Naboth the Jezreelite, and said unto him, Give me thy vineyard for money; or else, if it please thee, I will give thee another vineyard for it: and he answered, I will not give thee my vineyard.

7And Jezebel his wife said unto him, Dost thou now govern the kingdom of Israel? arise, and eat bread, and let thine heart be merry: I will give thee the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite.

8So she wrote letters in Ahab’s name, and sealed them with his seal, and sent the letters unto the elders and to the nobles that were in his city, dwelling with Naboth.

9And she wrote in the letters, saying, Proclaim a fast, and set Naboth on high among the people:

10And set two men, sons of Belial, before him, to bear witness against him, saying, Thou didst blaspheme God and the king. And then carry him out, and stone him, that he may die.

11And the men of his city, even the elders and the nobles who were the inhabitants in his city, did as Jezebel had sent unto them, and as it was written in the letters which she had sent unto them.

12They proclaimed a fast, and set Naboth on high among the people.

13And there came in two men, children of Belial, and sat before him: and the men of Belial witnessed against him, even against Naboth, in the presence of the people, saying, Naboth did blaspheme God and the king. Then they carried him forth out of the city, and stoned him with stones, that he died.

14Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned, and is dead.

15And it came to pass, when Jezebel heard that Naboth was stoned, and was dead, that Jezebel said to Ahab, Arise, take possession of the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite, which he refused to give thee for money: for Naboth is not alive, but dead.

16And it came to pass, when Ahab heard that Naboth was dead, that Ahab rose up to go down to the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite, to take possession of it.

17And the word of the Lord came to Elijah the Tishbite, saying,

18Arise, go down to meet Ahab king of Israel, which is in Samaria: behold, he is in the vineyard of Naboth, whither he is gone down to possess it.

19And thou shalt speak unto him, saying, Thus saith the Lord, Hast thou killed, and also taken possession? And thou shalt speak unto him, saying, Thus saith the Lord, In the place where dogs licked the blood of Naboth shall dogs lick thy blood, even thine.

20And Ahab said to Elijah, Hast thou found me, O mine enemy? And he answered, I have found thee: because thou hast sold thyself to work evil in the sight of the Lord.

21Behold, I will bring evil upon thee, and will take away thy posterity, and will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel,

22And will make thine house like the house of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, and like the house of Baasha the son of Ahijah, for the provocation wherewith thou hast provoked me to anger, and made Israel to sin.

23And of Jezebel also spake the Lord, saying, The dogs shall eat Jezebel by the wall of Jezreel.

24Him that dieth of Ahab in the city the dogs shall eat; and him that dieth in the field shall the fowls of the air eat.

25But there was none like unto Ahab, which did sell himself to work wickedness in the sight of the Lord, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up.

26And he did very abominably in following idols, according to all things as did the Amorites, whom the Lord cast out before the children of Israel.

27And it came to pass, when Ahab heard those words, that he rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his flesh, and fasted, and lay in sackcloth, and went softly.

28And the word of the Lord came to Elijah the Tishbite, saying,

29Seest thou how Ahab humbleth himself before me? because he humbleth himself before me, I will not bring the evil in his days: but in his son’s days will I bring the evil upon his house.