1At that time, Herod the tetrarch heard about Jesus's clout,

2And told his crew, "This is John the Baptist; he’s back from the dead, and he’s doing some wild stuff."

3For Herod had snatched John up, locked him up, all 'cause of Herodias, his bro Philip’s wife.

4John was like, "You can't have her, that's sus."

5And when he thought about taking him out, he got shook by the crowd, 'cause they saw him as a prophet.

6But when Herod’s birthday popped off, Herodias’s daughter danced for them, and Herod was vibin'.

7So he promised on the spot to give her whatever she wanted.

8And she, prepped by her mom, was like, "Yo, I want John the Baptist’s head on a platter."

9The king was bummed, but since he made a promise and didn’t want to look weak in front of his guests, he said to do it.

10And he sent out, and beheaded John in the clink.

11So, they brought his head on a platter to the girl, and she took it to her mom. That's savage.

12His crew showed up, grabbed the body, buried it, and then went to tell Jesus, no cap.

13When Jesus heard what went down, he dipped by boat to a chill spot in the desert, but the crowd followed him on foot from the towns.

14Jesus rolled up, saw a huge crowd, felt mad compassion for them, and started healing their sick.

15When evening hit, his squad came to him and said, "Yo, this place is a desert, it's getting late; send everyone away so they can grab some food."

16But Jesus was like, "Nah, they don't need to bounce; just feed them."

17They replied, "We only got five loaves and two fish, fr."

18He said, "Bring that over here."

19Then he told the crowd to chill on the grass, took the five loaves and two fish, looked up to heaven, blessed it, broke it, and passed it to his crew to give to the crowd.

20Everybody ate and was full, and they collected twelve baskets of leftovers.

21Like, there were about five thousand dudes who ate, not counting the ladies and kids.

22Jesus was like, "Yo, disciples, hop in the boat and cruise to the other side while I handle the crowd."

23After sending everyone off, he climbed a mountain to pray, and when evening hit, he was solo up there.

24But the boat was in the middle of the sea, getting tossed around 'cause the wind was being sus.

25In the fourth watch of the night, Jesus just walked on the sea to them, no cap.

26The disciples saw him walking and freaked out, thinking it was a ghost, and they were scared AF.

27But Jesus was like, "Chill, it's me; don’t be scared."

28Peter was like, "Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come out on the water."

29Jesus said, "Come." So Peter stepped outta the boat and walked on the water to Jesus.

30But when he noticed the crazy wind, he got shook, started sinking, and yelled, "Lord, save me!"

31Jesus reached out, grabbed him, and was like, "Yo, why you doubting? You gotta have more rizz, my dude."

32Once they got in the boat, the wind was like, "I'm out," and just chillaxed.

33The crew in the boat came through and worshipped him, saying, "For real, you the Son of God."

34After they crossed over, they rolled up to the land of Gennesaret.

35When the locals heard about him, they spread the word everywhere and brought all the sick peeps to him; no cap.

36They just wanted to touch the edge of his drip, and everyone who touched it got healed, periodt.

1At that time Herod the tetrarch heard of the fame of Jesus,

2And said unto his servants, This is John the Baptist; he is risen from the dead; and therefore mighty works do shew forth themselves in him.

3For Herod had laid hold on John, and bound him, and put him in prison for Herodias’ sake, his brother Philip’s wife.

4For John said unto him, It is not lawful for thee to have her.

5And when he would have put him to death, he feared the multitude, because they counted him as a prophet.

6But when Herod’s birthday was kept, the daughter of Herodias danced before them, and pleased Herod.

7Whereupon he promised with an oath to give her whatsoever she would ask.

8And she, being before instructed of her mother, said, Give me here John Baptist’s head in a charger.

9And the king was sorry: nevertheless for the oath’s sake, and them which sat with him at meat, he commanded it to be given her.

10And he sent, and beheaded John in the prison.

11And his head was brought in a charger, and given to the damsel: and she brought it to her mother.

12And his disciples came, and took up the body, and buried it, and went and told Jesus.

13When Jesus heard of it, he departed thence by ship into a desert place apart: and when the people had heard thereof, they followed him on foot out of the cities.

14And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick.

15And when it was evening, his disciples came to him, saying, This is a desert place, and the time is now past; send the multitude away, that they may go into the villages, and buy themselves victuals.

16But Jesus said unto them, They need not depart; give ye them to eat.

17And they say unto him, We have here but five loaves, and two fishes.

18He said, Bring them hither to me.

19And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and took the five loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude.

20And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full.

21And they that had eaten were about five thousand men, beside women and children.

22And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away.

23And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.

24But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary.

25And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.

26And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.

27But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.

28And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.

29And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.

30But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

31And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

32And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.

33Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.

34And when they were gone over, they came into the land of Gennesaret.

35And when the men of that place had knowledge of him, they sent out into all that country round about, and brought unto him all that were diseased;

36And besought him that they might only touch the hem of his garment: and as many as touched were made perfectly whole.