1So the Lord peeped that the Pharisees heard Jesus was out here making and baptizing more disciples than John, and that’s kinda sus.

2(But like, Jesus wasn’t the one doing the baptizing, his squad was.)

3He dipped from Judea and was like, “Let’s bounce back to Galilee.”

4And he had to roll through Samaria, no cap.

5Then he pulled up to this city in Samaria called Sychar, close to the land Jacob gave to his son Joseph.

6Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus was tired from the trip, so he just chilled at the well around the sixth hour.

7A woman from Samaria came to get some water, and Jesus was like, “Yo, give me a drink.”

8(His disciples were off in the city grabbing some food, fr.)

9The woman was like, “How you, a Jew, gonna ask me for a drink? I’m a woman from Samaria, and y’all don’t vibe with us.”

10Jesus hit her with, “If you knew the gift of God and who’s asking you for a drink, you’d be asking him for that living water, and he’d hook you up.”

11The girl was like, "Yo, you don’t even have a bucket, and this well is deep. Where you getting that living water, though?"

12You think you’re better than our dude Jacob who hooked us up with this well? He drank from it too, along with his fam and cattle, fr.

13Jesus was like, "Anyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, no cap."

14"But whoever drinks the water I give will never thirst; it’ll be like a fountain inside them, popping off to everlasting life."

15The girl was like, "Sir, gimme that water so I don’t have to come back here to draw, periodt."

16Jesus said, "Aight, go call your husband and come back."

17She replied, "I don’t have a husband." Jesus was like, "You’re right, you don’t have a husband."

18"You’ve had five husbands, and the dude you’re with now ain’t your husband. You’re spitting facts."

19The girl was like, "Sir, I can tell you’re a prophet, no lie."

20"Our ancestors worshipped on this mountain, but you guys say worship is supposed to happen in Jerusalem, that’s sus."

21Jesus said, "Yo, trust me, there's a time coming when you won't be vibing in this mountain or Jerusalem to worship the Father."

22You worship what you don't even know, but we know what's up: salvation's got the Jewish squad's back.

23But the time is coming, and it's now, when the real worshippers will vibe with the Father in spirit and truth, 'cause the Father is looking for those peeps.

24God is a Spirit, and if you're gonna worship Him, you gotta do it in spirit and truth, no cap.

25The woman said, "I know the Messiah is coming, the one called Christ; when He shows up, He'll spill all the tea."

26Jesus replied, "That's me, fam. I'm the one talking to you."

27Just then, the disciples showed up and were shook that He was chatting with the woman, but no one asked, "What you looking for?" or "Why you talking to her?"

28The woman dropped her waterpot and bounced into the city, telling the guys,

29"Yo, come check out a dude who told me everything I ever did: is this not the Christ?"

30Then they dipped out of the city and rolled up to Him.

31Meanwhile, the squad was like, "Yo Master, you gotta eat something."

32But he replied, "I got food you don’t even know about, no cap."

33The disciples were like, "Did someone bring him snacks?"

34Jesus was like, "My food is to do the will of the one who sent me and finish the mission, fr."

35He said, "Don’t sleep on it, harvest ain’t four months away. Look around; the fields are ready to pop off."

36The one who reaps gets paid and gathers fruit for eternal life, so they can all vibe together.

37This saying is legit: one sows, another reaps, periodt.

38I sent you to reap what you didn’t even work for; other peeps put in the grind, and you’re cashing in on their hustle.

39A bunch of Samaritans believed in him because of what the woman said, "He told me everything I did."

40So when the Samaritans showed up, they were like, "Yo, stay with us!" And he chilled there for two days.

41And mad people were vibing with him 'cause of his own words;

42They told the woman, "Now we believe, not just 'cause you said so: we heard him ourselves, and know he’s the real deal, the Saviour of the world, no cap."

43After two days, he dipped and headed to Galilee.

44'Cause Jesus was like, "A prophet ain't got no rizz in his own hometown."

45When he rolled into Galilee, the locals were hyped to see him, having peeped all the lit stuff he did in Jerusalem at the feast, 'cause they also showed up for the feast.

46So Jesus pulled up again to Cana of Galilee, where he turned water into wine. There was this noble dude whose son was sick in Capernaum.

47When he heard Jesus was outta Judea and in Galilee, he went to him and begged him to come down and heal his son, who was about to kick the bucket.

48Jesus told him, "Unless you see signs and wonders, you won't believe, fr."

49The nobleman was like, "Sir, please come down before my kid dies."

50Jesus said, "Go back home; your son is alive." The man was shook and believed what Jesus said, then he bounced back.

51So he was on his way down, and his crew hit him up, like, "Yo, your son’s alive!"

52He asked them what time it went down, and they were like, "Yesterday at 7 PM, the fever just dipped."

53The dad put two and two together, realizing it was the same hour Jesus said, "Your son’s alive," and he was like, "No cap, I believe," and his whole fam was on the same vibe.

54This is low-key the second miracle Jesus pulled off when he rolled from Judea to Galilee.

1When therefore the Lord knew how the Pharisees had heard that Jesus made and baptized more disciples than John,

2(Though Jesus himself baptized not, but his disciples,)

3He left Judea, and departed again into Galilee.

4And he must needs go through Samaria.

5Then cometh he to a city of Samaria, which is called Sychar, near to the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph.

6Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied with his journey, sat thus on the well: and it was about the sixth hour.

7There cometh a woman of Samaria to draw water: Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink.

8(For his disciples were gone away unto the city to buy meat.)

9Then saith the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans.

10Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.

11The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?

12Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and drank thereof himself, and his children, and his cattle?

13Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again:

14But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.

15The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw.

16Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither.

17The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband:

18For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.

19The woman saith unto him, Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet.

20Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship.

21Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father.

22Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews.

23But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.

24God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.

25The woman saith unto him, I know that Messias cometh, which is called Christ: when he is come, he will tell us all things.

26Jesus saith unto her, I that speak unto thee am he.

27And upon this came his disciples, and marvelled that he talked with the woman: yet no man said, What seekest thou? or, Why talkest thou with her?

28The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men,

29Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ?

30Then they went out of the city, and came unto him.

31In the mean while his disciples prayed him, saying, Master, eat.

32But he said unto them, I have meat to eat that ye know not of.

33Therefore said the disciples one to another, Hath any man brought him ought to eat?

34Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.

35Say not ye, There are yet four months, and then cometh harvest? behold, I say unto you, Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest.

36And he that reapeth receiveth wages, and gathereth fruit unto life eternal: that both he that soweth and he that reapeth may rejoice together.

37And herein is that saying true, One soweth, and another reapeth.

38I sent you to reap that whereon ye bestowed no labour: other men laboured, and ye are entered into their labours.

39And many of the Samaritans of that city believed on him for the saying of the woman, which testified, He told me all that ever I did.

40So when the Samaritans were come unto him, they besought him that he would tarry with them: and he abode there two days.

41And many more believed because of his own word;

42And said unto the woman, Now we believe, not because of thy saying: for we have heard him ourselves, and know that this is indeed the Christ, the Saviour of the world.

43Now after two days he departed thence, and went into Galilee.

44For Jesus himself testified, that a prophet hath no honour in his own country.

45Then when he was come into Galilee, the Galileans received him, having seen all the things that he did at Jerusalem at the feast: for they also went unto the feast.

46So Jesus came again into Cana of Galilee, where he made the water wine. And there was a certain nobleman, whose son was sick at Capernaum.

47When he heard that Jesus was come out of Judea into Galilee, he went unto him, and besought him that he would come down, and heal his son: for he was at the point of death.

48Then said Jesus unto him, Except ye see signs and wonders, ye will not believe.

49The nobleman saith unto him, Sir, come down ere my child die.

50Jesus saith unto him, Go thy way; thy son liveth. And the man believed the word that Jesus had spoken unto him, and he went his way.

51And as he was now going down, his servants met him, and told him, saying, Thy son liveth.

52Then enquired he of them the hour when he began to amend. And they said unto him, Yesterday at the seventh hour the fever left him.

53So the father knew that it was at the same hour, in the which Jesus said unto him, Thy son liveth: and himself believed, and his whole house.

54This is again the second miracle that Jesus did, when he was come out of Judea into Galilee.