1There was this dude in Uz named Job; he was straight-up perfect, always vibin' right, feared God, and avoided all the sus stuff.

2He had seven sons and three daughters, no cap.

3This guy had a flock of seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred oxen, and five hundred female donkeys; his household was mad big, making him the GOAT of the east.

4His sons were always throwing parties at their pads, and they’d call their three sisters to chill, eat, and drink with them.

5After the feasting was done, Job would wake up early to bless them just in case they messed up and cursed God in their hearts. He kept it lit like that all the time.

6One day, the sons of God came to show up before the Lord, and guess who rolled in? Satan.

7The Lord asked Satan, “Where you been at?” And Satan was like, “Just cruising around the earth, checking things out.”

8Then the Lord was like, “Have you peeped my boy Job? There’s no one like him, perfect and upright, fears God, and avoids evil.”

9Satan replied, “Does Job really fear God for no reason?”

10“You’ve put a hedge around him, his house, and everything he owns. You’ve blessed his hustle, and he’s thriving in the land.”

11“But if you touch all he has, he’ll totally curse you to your face.”

12The Lord said to Satan, “Alright, everything he has is in your hands; just don’t touch him.” So Satan bounced from the Lord’s presence.

13One day, while his kids were chilling and drinking wine at their oldest bro's crib,

14a messenger came to Job and said, “The oxen were plowing, and the donkeys were grazing next to them.”

15“Then the Sabeans rolled up and took them all; they even wiped out the servants with the sword, and I’m the only one who escaped to tell you.”

16While he was still talking, another messenger came and said, “Fire from God dropped down from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants; I’m the only one who made it out.”

17While he was still talking, another dude came and said, “The Chaldeans formed three squads and attacked the camels, taking them away, and wiped out the servants too; I’m the only one left to tell you.”

18While he was still speaking, another messenger showed up and said, “Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking at their oldest brother's house.”

19And then, boom! A massive wind came from the wilderness, hit all four corners of the house, and it collapsed on the young people; I’m the only one who made it out to tell you.

20Job got up, tore his robe, shaved his head, fell to the ground, and worshipped.

21He said, “I came into this world with nothing, and I’ll leave with nothing. The Lord gave, and the Lord took away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

22Through all this, Job didn’t mess up or blame God for anything.

1There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil.

2And there were born unto him seven sons and three daughters.

3His substance also was seven thousand sheep, and three thousand camels, and five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred she asses, and a very great household; so that this man was the greatest of all the men of the east.

4And his sons went and feasted in their houses, every one his day; and sent and called for their three sisters to eat and to drink with them.

5And it was so, when the days of their feasting were gone about, that Job sent and sanctified them, and rose up early in the morning, and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all: for Job said, It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts. Thus did Job continually.

6Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them.

7And the Lord said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.

8And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?

9Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought?

10Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land.

11But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.

12And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the Lord.

13And there was a day when his sons and his daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother’s house:

14And there came a messenger unto Job, and said, The oxen were plowing, and the asses feeding beside them:

15And the Sabeans fell upon them, and took them away; yea, they have slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

16While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed them; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

17While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The Chaldeans made out three bands, and fell upon the camels, and have carried them away, yea, and slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

18While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, Thy sons and thy daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother’s house:

19And, behold, there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smote the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

20Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped,

21And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

22In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.