Genesis 42

Gen Z: Genesis 42

1Jacob peeped that there was corn in Egypt and was like, "Yo, why y'all just staring at each other?"

2He said, "I heard there's corn in Egypt, so let’s bounce and cop some, or we’re gonna be toast."

3So Joseph's ten bros dipped to Egypt to grab that corn.

4But Jacob didn’t send Benjamin, 'cause he was like, "What if something sus happens?"

5The sons of Israel showed up to buy corn 'cause Canaan was dry AF.

6Joseph was the big boss in charge, selling to everyone, and his bros came in, totally bowing down like it was a whole vibe.

7Joseph saw his bros and recognized them, but acted all mysterious and said, "Where you coming from?" They replied, "Canaan, just here for food."

8Joseph knew who they were, but they were totally clueless about him.

9He remembered the dreams about them and was like, "Y’all are spies, checking out the land's situation."

10They were like, "Nah, my dude, we’re just here to snag some food."

11We’re all just one dude’s sons, no cap; we’re legit, not spies, fam.

12He was like, "Nah, you came to peep the land’s true vibes."

13They replied, "We’re twelve bros, all from one fam in Canaan; our youngest is chilling with Dad, and one’s missing."

14Joseph said, "That's what I told you, you’re totally spies."

15"Here’s the deal: I swear by Pharaoh's life, you’re not bouncing unless your youngest bro shows up."

16"Send one of you to grab your bro, and y’all will stay in jail so we can see if you’re legit, or else, for real, you’re spies."

17He locked them up together for three days, no cap.

18On day three, Joseph was like, "Do this and stay alive; I fear God, fr."

19"If you’re real ones, let one bro chill in jail while you go grab food for your fam."

20"But bring your youngest bro to me; then I’ll know you’re telling the truth, and you won’t catch those vibes. And they were like, bet."

21They were like, "For real, we're totally guilty about our bro, 'cause we saw him hurting when he asked for help, but we ignored him; that’s why this mess is on us."

22Reuben was like, "Didn’t I tell y’all not to mess with the kid? But you didn’t listen, so now his blood's on us."

23They had no clue that Joseph could understand them, 'cause he was talking through an interpreter.

24Joseph turned away, cried a bit, then came back, chatted with them, and took Simeon, tying him up right in front of them.

25Then Joseph was like, "Fill their bags with grain, put their cash back in, and give them snacks for the trip." And that’s exactly what he did.

26They loaded up their donkeys with the grain and bounced.

27One of them opened his bag at the inn to feed his donkey and saw his money chillin' there; it was right at the top.

28He told his bros, "Yo, my cash is back, it’s in my bag!" They freaked out and were like, "What’s happening? What did God do to us?"

29They went back to their dad Jacob in Canaan and spilled the tea on everything that went down.

30They said, "The dude in charge was super harsh with us and thought we were spies."

31We told him, "No cap, we’re legit; not spies, fr."

32"We’re twelve bros, sons of our dad; one’s missing, and the youngest is chillin' with our pops in Canaan."

33The dude in charge was like, "This is how I know you’re the real ones: leave one bro here, take food back for your fam, and bounce."

34"Bring your youngest bro to me: then I’ll know you’re not sus, but true bros. I’ll let your other bro go, and you can do your thing in the land."

35As they opened their bags, they were shook to find cash in each one: both they and their dad were lowkey scared.

36Jacob, their dad, said, "Y’all are playing me: Joseph is gone, Simeon is gone, and now you wanna take Benjamin? This is all bad vibes."

37Reuben was like, "Yo, if I don’t bring him back, you can do whatever to my two sons. Just let me take him."

38And he said, "My son ain’t going with you; his bro is gone, and he’s all alone. If something bad happens on your way, I’ll be crushed, fr."

KJV: Genesis 42

1Now when Jacob saw that there was corn in Egypt, Jacob said unto his sons, Why do ye look one upon another?

2And he said, Behold, I have heard that there is corn in Egypt: get you down thither, and buy for us from thence; that we may live, and not die.

3And Joseph’s ten brethren went down to buy corn in Egypt.

4But Benjamin, Joseph’s brother, Jacob sent not with his brethren; for he said, Lest peradventure mischief befall him.

5And the sons of Israel came to buy corn among those that came: for the famine was in the land of Canaan.

6And Joseph was the governor over the land, and he it was that sold to all the people of the land: and Joseph’s brethren came, and bowed down themselves before him with their faces to the earth.

7And Joseph saw his brethren, and he knew them, but made himself strange unto them, and spake roughly unto them; and he said unto them, Whence come ye? And they said, From the land of Canaan to buy food.

8And Joseph knew his brethren, but they knew not him.

9And Joseph remembered the dreams which he dreamed of them, and said unto them, Ye are spies; to see the nakedness of the land ye are come.

10And they said unto him, Nay, my lord, but to buy food are thy servants come.

11We are all one man’s sons; we are true men, thy servants are no spies.

12And he said unto them, Nay, but to see the nakedness of the land ye are come.

13And they said, Thy servants are twelve brethren, the sons of one man in the land of Canaan; and, behold, the youngest is this day with our father, and one is not.

14And Joseph said unto them, That is it that I spake unto you, saying, Ye are spies:

15Hereby ye shall be proved: By the life of Pharaoh ye shall not go forth hence, except your youngest brother come hither.

16Send one of you, and let him fetch your brother, and ye shall be kept in prison, that your words may be proved, whether there be any truth in you: or else by the life of Pharaoh surely ye are spies.

17And he put them all together into ward three days.

18And Joseph said unto them the third day, This do, and live; for I fear God:

19If ye be true men, let one of your brethren be bound in the house of your prison: go ye, carry corn for the famine of your houses:

20But bring your youngest brother unto me; so shall your words be verified, and ye shall not die. And they did so.

21And they said one to another, We are verily guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the anguish of his soul, when he besought us, and we would not hear; therefore is this distress come upon us.

22And Reuben answered them, saying, Spake I not unto you, saying, Do not sin against the child; and ye would not hear? therefore, behold, also his blood is required.

23And they knew not that Joseph understood them; for he spake unto them by an interpreter.

24And he turned himself about from them, and wept; and returned to them again, and communed with them, and took from them Simeon, and bound him before their eyes.

25Then Joseph commanded to fill their sacks with corn, and to restore every man’s money into his sack, and to give them provision for the way: and thus did he unto them.

26And they laded their asses with the corn, and departed thence.

27And as one of them opened his sack to give his ass provender in the inn, he espied his money; for, behold, it was in his sack’s mouth.

28And he said unto his brethren, My money is restored; and, lo, it is even in my sack: and their heart failed them, and they were afraid, saying one to another, What is this that God hath done unto us?

29And they came unto Jacob their father unto the land of Canaan, and told him all that befell unto them; saying,

30The man, who is the lord of the land, spake roughly to us, and took us for spies of the country.

31And we said unto him, We are true men; we are no spies:

32We be twelve brethren, sons of our father; one is not, and the youngest is this day with our father in the land of Canaan.

33And the man, the lord of the country, said unto us, Hereby shall I know that ye are true men; leave one of your brethren here with me, and take food for the famine of your households, and be gone:

34And bring your youngest brother unto me: then shall I know that ye are no spies, but that ye are true men: so will I deliver you your brother, and ye shall traffick in the land.

35And it came to pass as they emptied their sacks, that, behold, every man’s bundle of money was in his sack: and when both they and their father saw the bundles of money, they were afraid.

36And Jacob their father said unto them, Me have ye bereaved of my children: Joseph is not, and Simeon is not, and ye will take Benjamin away: all these things are against me.

37And Reuben spake unto his father, saying, Slay my two sons, if I bring him not to thee: deliver him into my hand, and I will bring him to thee again.

38And he said, My son shall not go down with you; for his brother is dead, and he is left alone: if mischief befall him by the way in the which ye go, then shall ye bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to the grave.

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