Gen Z: Genesis 42
1Jacob peeped that there was corn in Egypt and was like, "Yo, why y'all just staring at each other?"
2He said, "I heard there's corn in Egypt, so let’s bounce and cop some, or we’re gonna be toast."
3So Joseph's ten bros dipped to Egypt to grab that corn.
4But Jacob didn’t send Benjamin, 'cause he was like, "What if something sus happens?"
5The sons of Israel showed up to buy corn 'cause Canaan was dry AF.
6Joseph was the big boss in charge, selling to everyone, and his bros came in, totally bowing down like it was a whole vibe.
7Joseph saw his bros and recognized them, but acted all mysterious and said, "Where you coming from?" They replied, "Canaan, just here for food."
8Joseph knew who they were, but they were totally clueless about him.
9He remembered the dreams about them and was like, "Y’all are spies, checking out the land's situation."
10They were like, "Nah, my dude, we’re just here to snag some food."
11We’re all just one dude’s sons, no cap; we’re legit, not spies, fam.
12He was like, "Nah, you came to peep the land’s true vibes."
13They replied, "We’re twelve bros, all from one fam in Canaan; our youngest is chilling with Dad, and one’s missing."
14Joseph said, "That's what I told you, you’re totally spies."
15"Here’s the deal: I swear by Pharaoh's life, you’re not bouncing unless your youngest bro shows up."
16"Send one of you to grab your bro, and y’all will stay in jail so we can see if you’re legit, or else, for real, you’re spies."
17He locked them up together for three days, no cap.
18On day three, Joseph was like, "Do this and stay alive; I fear God, fr."
19"If you’re real ones, let one bro chill in jail while you go grab food for your fam."
20"But bring your youngest bro to me; then I’ll know you’re telling the truth, and you won’t catch those vibes. And they were like, bet."
21They were like, "For real, we're totally guilty about our bro, 'cause we saw him hurting when he asked for help, but we ignored him; that’s why this mess is on us."
22Reuben was like, "Didn’t I tell y’all not to mess with the kid? But you didn’t listen, so now his blood's on us."
23They had no clue that Joseph could understand them, 'cause he was talking through an interpreter.
24Joseph turned away, cried a bit, then came back, chatted with them, and took Simeon, tying him up right in front of them.
25Then Joseph was like, "Fill their bags with grain, put their cash back in, and give them snacks for the trip." And that’s exactly what he did.
26They loaded up their donkeys with the grain and bounced.
27One of them opened his bag at the inn to feed his donkey and saw his money chillin' there; it was right at the top.
28He told his bros, "Yo, my cash is back, it’s in my bag!" They freaked out and were like, "What’s happening? What did God do to us?"
29They went back to their dad Jacob in Canaan and spilled the tea on everything that went down.
30They said, "The dude in charge was super harsh with us and thought we were spies."
31We told him, "No cap, we’re legit; not spies, fr."
32"We’re twelve bros, sons of our dad; one’s missing, and the youngest is chillin' with our pops in Canaan."
33The dude in charge was like, "This is how I know you’re the real ones: leave one bro here, take food back for your fam, and bounce."
34"Bring your youngest bro to me: then I’ll know you’re not sus, but true bros. I’ll let your other bro go, and you can do your thing in the land."
35As they opened their bags, they were shook to find cash in each one: both they and their dad were lowkey scared.
36Jacob, their dad, said, "Y’all are playing me: Joseph is gone, Simeon is gone, and now you wanna take Benjamin? This is all bad vibes."
37Reuben was like, "Yo, if I don’t bring him back, you can do whatever to my two sons. Just let me take him."
38And he said, "My son ain’t going with you; his bro is gone, and he’s all alone. If something bad happens on your way, I’ll be crushed, fr."