1So, the serpent was way sneakier than any animal God made. He’s all like, “Yo, did God really say you can’t eat from any tree?”

2The woman was like, “We can totally eat the fruit from the trees in the garden.”

3But she added, “Except for the one in the middle, God said to stay away from it or we’ll be toast.”

4The serpent shot back, “Nah, you won’t die for real.”

5“God’s just lowkey tripping because if you eat it, you’ll know everything, good and bad, just like Him.”

6When she saw the tree looked tasty and had some serious vibes, she grabbed the fruit, ate it, and gave some to her man, and he chowed down too.

7Their eyes were opened, and they realized they were naked; so, they sewed some fig leaves together and made themselves outfits.

8They heard God chilling in the garden, and Adam and his girl ducked behind the trees to hide.

9God was like, “Adam, where you at?”

10Adam replied, “I heard you in the garden, and I got scared because I was naked, so I hid.”

11God’s like, “Who told you you were naked? You eat from that tree I said not to touch?”

12Adam’s all, “The girl you gave me? She made me eat from the tree, no cap.”

13God turns to the woman and says, “What’s up with this?” She’s like, “The snake got me, fr.”

14Then God’s like to the snake, “You messed up big time, now you’re cursed above all animals. You’ll be slithering and eating dirt for life.”

15“I’m putting beef between you and the woman, and between your kids and her kids; you’ll bruise their head, and they’ll bruise your heel.”

16To the woman, He’s like, “You’re gonna have a rough time having kids, and your man’s gonna be the boss, periodt.”

17And to Adam, He said, “You listened to your wife and ate from that tree I told you not to. Now the ground’s cursed for you; you’ll eat from it while struggling your whole life.”

18“It’s gonna grow thorns and thistles for you, and you’ll eat plants from the field.”

19“You’re gonna sweat and grind for your bread until you go back to the ground; you came from dust, and you’ll be dust again.”

20Adam names his wife Eve, ‘cause she’s the OG of all living things.

21God hooked Adam and his girl up with some fresh drip, keeping them cozy.

22God was like, "Yo, this dude's vibing like us now, knowing good and bad. We can't have him munching on that life tree and living forever, no cap."

23So, God bounced him from Eden to grind on the land where he came from.

24He kicked Adam out, and set up some lit Cherubims and a fire sword to guard the life tree, keeping it all sus.

1Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?

2And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:

3But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.

4And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:

5For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.

6And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

7And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.

8And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden.

9And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?

10And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.

11And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

12And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

13And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

14And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

15And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

16Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

17And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

18Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;

19In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

20And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.

21Unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them.

22And the Lord God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:

23Therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.

24So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.