1So, David straight up took down the Philistines and flexed on them, grabbing Metheg–ammah like a boss.

2He also wrecked Moab, measuring them out like a pro, sending some to the ground and keeping others alive. Moabites were like, "We’re your squad now," bringing gifts and all.

3David also took down Hadadezer, the king of Zobah, while he was out here reclaiming his turf by the Euphrates.

4David snagged a thousand chariots, seven hundred horsemen, and twenty thousand foot soldiers, but he took out all the chariot horses except for a hundred.

5When the Syrians from Damascus rolled up to help Hadadezer, David was like, "Not today," and took out twenty-two thousand of them.

6David set up camps in Damascus, and the Syrians became his crew, bringing him gifts. God was keeping David on point wherever he went.

7David took the gold shields from Hadadezer's crew and brought them back to Jerusalem, flexing hard.

8From Betah and Berothai, cities of Hadadezer, David scooped up a ton of brass, like it was nothing.

9When Toi, king of Hamath, heard David was taking out Hadadezer's whole squad, he was shook.

10Toi sent his son Joram to David to say what’s up and bless him for taking down Hadadezer, who was giving him problems. Joram brought silver, gold, and brass—major vibes.

11David dedicated all that silver and gold to the Lord, representing all the nations he put in check.

12Like Syria, Moab, Ammon, Philistines, Amalek, and the spoils from Hadadezer, king of Zobah.

13David got a rep when he came back from smiting the Syrians in the salt valley, taking out eighteen thousand men.

14He put garrisons all over Edom, and everyone there became David's crew. God was keeping him safe wherever he went.

15David was the king over all Israel, bringing justice and vibes to all his people.

16Joab, son of Zeruiah, was in charge of the army, and Jehoshaphat, son of Ahilud, was keeping the records.

17Zadok, son of Ahitub, and Ahimelech, son of Abiathar, were the priests; and Seraiah was the scribe, no cap.

18Benaiah, son of Jehoiada, was leading both the Cherethites and the Pelethites; and David's sons were the top dogs.

1And after this it came to pass, that David smote the Philistines, and subdued them: and David took Metheg–ammah out of the hand of the Philistines.

2And he smote Moab, and measured them with a line, casting them down to the ground; even with two lines measured he to put to death, and with one full line to keep alive. And so the Moabites became David’s servants, and brought gifts.

3David smote also Hadadezer, the son of Rehob, king of Zobah, as he went to recover his border at the river Euphrates.

4And David took from him a thousand chariots, and seven hundred horsemen, and twenty thousand footmen: and David houghed all the chariot horses, but reserved of them for an hundred chariots.

5And when the Syrians of Damascus came to succour Hadadezer king of Zobah, David slew of the Syrians two and twenty thousand men.

6Then David put garrisons in Syria of Damascus: and the Syrians became servants to David, and brought gifts. And the Lord preserved David whithersoever he went.

7And David took the shields of gold that were on the servants of Hadadezer, and brought them to Jerusalem.

8And from Betah, and from Berothai, cities of Hadadezer, king David took exceeding much brass.

9When Toi king of Hamath heard that David had smitten all the host of Hadadezer,

10Then Toi sent Joram his son unto king David, to salute him, and to bless him, because he had fought against Hadadezer, and smitten him: for Hadadezer had wars with Toi. And Joram brought with him vessels of silver, and vessels of gold, and vessels of brass:

11Which also king David did dedicate unto the Lord, with the silver and gold that he had dedicated of all nations which he subdued;

12Of Syria, and of Moab, and of the children of Ammon, and of the Philistines, and of Amalek, and of the spoil of Hadadezer, son of Rehob, king of Zobah.

13And David gat him a name when he returned from smiting of the Syrians in the valley of salt, being eighteen thousand men.

14And he put garrisons in Edom; throughout all Edom put he garrisons, and all they of Edom became David’s servants. And the Lord preserved David whithersoever he went.

15And David reigned over all Israel; and David executed judgment and justice unto all his people.

16And Joab the son of Zeruiah was over the host; and Jehoshaphat the son of Ahilud was recorder;

17And Zadok the son of Ahitub, and Ahimelech the son of Abiathar, were the priests; and Seraiah was the scribe;

18And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada was over both the Cherethites and the Pelethites; and David’s sons were chief rulers.