1Samuel passed away, and all the Israelites gathered to vibe, mourning him and burying him at his crib in Ramah. Then David bounced to the wilderness of Paran.

2There was this dude in Maon, super rich with his stuff in Carmel; he had three thousand sheep and a thousand goats, and he was out there shearing his sheep in Carmel.

3The homie's name was Nabal, and his wife's name was Abigail; she was pretty smart and looked good, but he was a total jerk and sus in his actions; he came from Caleb's fam.

4David caught wind in the wild that Nabal was shearing his sheep.

5So David sent ten young guys and told them, "Yo, head to Carmel, find Nabal, and hit him up for me."

6Tell him this: "Peace to you, your fam, and all your stuff; hope it’s all good."

7I heard you got shearers, and we didn’t mess with your shepherds while they were chilling with us in Carmel; they were all good, no cap.

8Ask your young dudes; they’ll back me up. We’re here on a good day, so please hook us up with whatever you can spare for your servants and your boy David.

9When David's young men rolled up, they told Nabal everything David said and then just stood there.

10Nabal clapped back at David's crew, saying, "Who’s David? Who's Jesse's son? There are tons of servants these days who ditch their masters."

11So, should I just give my bread, water, and meat I cooked for my crew to random dudes I don’t even know? That’s sus.

12David’s guys bounced and filled him in on everything that went down.

13David was like, "Yo, grab your swords, fam!" So they all strapped up, and about 400 went with David while 200 stayed back.

14One of the young dudes told Abigail, Nabal’s wifey, "Yo, David sent some peeps from the wild to greet our boss, but he totally dissed them."

15But those guys were mad chill with us, we didn’t get hurt or miss anything while we were vibing in the fields.

16They had our backs day and night while we were out there with the sheep.

17So, think about what you’re gonna do; bad vibes are coming for our boss and his whole crew. He’s such a Belial, you can’t even talk to him.

18Abigail was like, "Let’s pop off!" She grabbed 200 loaves, two bottles of wine, five dressed sheep, five measures of roasted corn, a hundred raisin clusters, and 200 fig cakes, and loaded them up.

19She told her servants, "Y’all go ahead; I’ll catch up. But I ain’t telling Nabal."

20As she rode on the donkey, she came down the hill and saw David and his crew coming toward her; she ran into them.

21David was like, "No cap, I kept it real for this dude in the wild, and he just hit me with the savage move for no reason."

22"So, God better do the same to David's haters, if by sunrise I don't wipe out everyone who disrespects him."

23When Abigail peeped David, she was quick with it, hopped off her donkey, and went full-on humble mode, bowing down.

24She dropped to his feet and said, "Yo, my lord, let this mess be on me; just hear me out, please."

25"Don't even trip over this dude Nabal, he's a straight up joke; his name's a whole vibe, and I didn’t see your guys, my bad."

26"So, my lord, as God lives and you live, since God stopped you from spilling blood and going all out, let your enemies be like Nabal."

27"And this blessing I brought? Just pass it to the homies rollin' with you."

28"Forgive me, my lord; God’s gonna hook you up with a solid legacy, 'cause you fight for Him, and you ain't done wrong."

29"But there's a dude out here tryna come for you; your soul's safe in God's vibe, while your enemies will get tossed like a slingshot."

30"And when God does all the good He promised you, you’re gonna be the ruler over Israel, fr."

31No cap, this ain’t gonna stress you out or hurt my dude’s feelings, 'cause you didn’t spill blood for no reason, and my dude ain’t out here getting revenge: but when the Lord blesses my dude, just remember your girl here.

32David was like, "Bless up to the Lord God of Israel for sending you my way today."

33And he was like, "Your advice is lit, and you’re goated for saving me from spilling blood and getting my own revenge."

34For real, as the Lord God of Israel lives, He kept me from hurting you; if you hadn't rushed to meet me, Nabal would’ve been totally wiped out by sunrise.

35So David took what she brought and said, "Vibe check, go back home in peace; I heard you loud and clear, and I got you."

36Abigail rolled up to Nabal, and dude was throwing a feast like a king; his heart was all happy 'cause he was super wasted: so she didn’t spill any tea until the morning.

37But come morning, when Nabal was sober and heard what went down, his heart just straight-up died, and he was like a rock.

38Then, like ten days later, the Lord took Nabal out; dude was done for.

39When David heard Nabal was gone, he was like, "Bless up to the Lord for handling my business and keeping me from evil: the Lord flipped Nabal’s bad vibes right back on him." Then David hit up Abigail to make her his wife.

40When David's crew showed up to Abigail in Carmel, they were like, "David sent us to scoop you up as his wife."

41She got up, hit the ground face first, and was like, "Yo, let me be the one to wash your servants' feet, no cap."

42Abigail was like, "Let’s go!" and jumped on her donkey with five of her girls, chasing after David's messengers to become his wife.

43David also scooped up Ahinoam from Jezreel, so now he’s got two wives, fr.

44But Saul was sus and gave his daughter Michal, David’s wife, to Phalti, the dude from Gallim.

1And Samuel died; and all the Israelites were gathered together, and lamented him, and buried him in his house at Ramah. And David arose, and went down to the wilderness of Paran.

2And there was a man in Maon, whose possessions were in Carmel; and the man was very great, and he had three thousand sheep, and a thousand goats: and he was shearing his sheep in Carmel.

3Now the name of the man was Nabal; and the name of his wife Abigail: and she was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance: but the man was churlish and evil in his doings; and he was of the house of Caleb.

4And David heard in the wilderness that Nabal did shear his sheep.

5And David sent out ten young men, and David said unto the young men, Get you up to Carmel, and go to Nabal, and greet him in my name:

6And thus shall ye say to him that liveth in prosperity, Peace be both to thee, and peace be to thine house, and peace be unto all that thou hast.

7And now I have heard that thou hast shearers: now thy shepherds which were with us, we hurt them not, neither was there ought missing unto them, all the while they were in Carmel.

8Ask thy young men, and they will shew thee. Wherefore let the young men find favour in thine eyes: for we come in a good day: give, I pray thee, whatsoever cometh to thine hand unto thy servants, and to thy son David.

9And when David’s young men came, they spake to Nabal according to all those words in the name of David, and ceased.

10And Nabal answered David’s servants, and said, Who is David? and who is the son of Jesse? there be many servants now a days that break away every man from his master.

11Shall I then take my bread, and my water, and my flesh that I have killed for my shearers, and give it unto men, whom I know not whence they be?

12So David’s young men turned their way, and went again, and came and told him all those sayings.

13And David said unto his men, Gird ye on every man his sword. And they girded on every man his sword; and David also girded on his sword: and there went up after David about four hundred men; and two hundred abode by the stuff.

14But one of the young men told Abigail, Nabal’s wife, saying, Behold, David sent messengers out of the wilderness to salute our master; and he railed on them.

15But the men were very good unto us, and we were not hurt, neither missed we any thing, as long as we were conversant with them, when we were in the fields:

16They were a wall unto us both by night and day, all the while we were with them keeping the sheep.

17Now therefore know and consider what thou wilt do; for evil is determined against our master, and against all his household: for he is such a son of Belial, that a man cannot speak to him.

18Then Abigail made haste, and took two hundred loaves, and two bottles of wine, and five sheep ready dressed, and five measures of parched corn, and an hundred clusters of raisins, and two hundred cakes of figs, and laid them on asses.

19And she said unto her servants, Go on before me; behold, I come after you. But she told not her husband Nabal.

20And it was so, as she rode on the ass, that she came down by the covert of the hill, and, behold, David and his men came down against her; and she met them.

21Now David had said, Surely in vain have I kept all that this fellow hath in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that pertained unto him: and he hath requited me evil for good.

22So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.

23And when Abigail saw David, she hasted, and lighted off the ass, and fell before David on her face, and bowed herself to the ground,

24And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid.

25Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial, even Nabal: for as his name is, so is he; Nabal is his name, and folly is with him: but I thine handmaid saw not the young men of my lord, whom thou didst send.

26Now therefore, my lord, as the Lord liveth, and as thy soul liveth, seeing the Lord hath withholden thee from coming to shed blood, and from avenging thyself with thine own hand, now let thine enemies, and they that seek evil to my lord, be as Nabal.

27And now this blessing which thine handmaid hath brought unto my lord, let it even be given unto the young men that follow my lord.

28I pray thee, forgive the trespass of thine handmaid: for the Lord will certainly make my lord a sure house; because my lord fighteth the battles of the Lord, and evil hath not been found in thee all thy days.

29Yet a man is risen to pursue thee, and to seek thy soul: but the soul of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of life with the Lord thy God; and the souls of thine enemies, them shall he sling out, as out of the middle of a sling.

30And it shall come to pass, when the Lord shall have done to my lord according to all the good that he hath spoken concerning thee, and shall have appointed thee ruler over Israel;

31That this shall be no grief unto thee, nor offence of heart unto my lord, either that thou hast shed blood causeless, or that my lord hath avenged himself: but when the Lord shall have dealt well with my lord, then remember thine handmaid.

32And David said to Abigail, Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me:

33And blessed be thy advice, and blessed be thou, which hast kept me this day from coming to shed blood, and from avenging myself with mine own hand.

34For in very deed, as the Lord God of Israel liveth, which hath kept me back from hurting thee, except thou hadst hasted and come to meet me, surely there had not been left unto Nabal by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.

35So David received of her hand that which she had brought him, and said unto her, Go up in peace to thine house; see, I have hearkened to thy voice, and have accepted thy person.

36And Abigail came to Nabal; and, behold, he held a feast in his house, like the feast of a king; and Nabal’s heart was merry within him, for he was very drunken: wherefore she told him nothing, less or more, until the morning light.

37But it came to pass in the morning, when the wine was gone out of Nabal, and his wife had told him these things, that his heart died within him, and he became as a stone.

38And it came to pass about ten days after, that the Lord smote Nabal, that he died.

39And when David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, Blessed be the Lord, that hath pleaded the cause of my reproach from the hand of Nabal, and hath kept his servant from evil: for the Lord hath returned the wickedness of Nabal upon his own head. And David sent and communed with Abigail, to take her to him to wife.

40And when the servants of David were come to Abigail to Carmel, they spake unto her, saying, David sent us unto thee, to take thee to him to wife.

41And she arose, and bowed herself on her face to the earth, and said, Behold, let thine handmaid be a servant to wash the feet of the servants of my lord.

42And Abigail hasted, and arose, and rode upon an ass, with five damsels of hers that went after her; and she went after the messengers of David, and became his wife.

43David also took Ahinoam of Jezreel; and they were also both of them his wives.

44But Saul had given Michal his daughter, David’s wife, to Phalti the son of Laish, which was of Gallim.