Gen Z: 1 Samuel 13
1Saul was king for a year, then he hit two years over Israel, no cap.
2Saul picked 3,000 homies from Israel; 2,000 were vibin' with him in Michmash and Beth-el, while 1,000 were with Jonathan in Gibeah. The rest? They bounced back to their tents.
3Jonathan took out the Philistine squad in Geba, and the Philistines got the tea. Saul blew the trumpet all over the land, like, "Yo, Hebrews, listen up!"
4Everyone in Israel heard that Saul took down a Philistine garrison, and the Philistines were sus about it. The people rallied up with Saul to Gilgal.
5The Philistines rolled up to fight Israel with 30,000 chariots and 6,000 horsemen, plus a crowd like the sand on the beach. They set up camp in Michmash, east of Beth-aven.
6When the Israelites saw they were in a tight spot (the vibes were off), they started hiding in caves, thickets, rocks, high places, and pits.
7Some of the Hebrews dipped over Jordan to Gad and Gilead. Saul was still chilling in Gilgal, and everyone was following him, shook.
8He waited seven days, just like Samuel said, but Samuel ghosted him; the people were scattered, vibing away.
9Saul was like, "Bring me a burnt offering and peace offerings," and he did the burnt offering thing.
10As soon as he wrapped up the burnt offering, guess who showed up? Samuel! Saul went out to greet him, periodt.
11Samuel asked, "What did you do?" Saul replied, "I saw the people scatter, you weren’t here when you said you would be, and the Philistines gathered at Michmash."
12So I thought, "The Philistines are gonna come for me at Gilgal, and I didn’t ask God for help," so I just went for it and offered a burnt offering.
13Samuel said to Saul, "You messed up big time: you didn’t follow God’s command, and now your kingdom could’ve been forever."
14But now your kingdom’s not gonna last: God’s found a new dude after His heart, and He’s gonna make him leader of His people since you didn’t follow the rules.
15Samuel got up and headed from Gilgal to Gibeah of Benjamin. Saul counted the squad with him, and it was about 600 men.
16Saul, Jonathan, and the crew were chilling in Gibeah of Benjamin, while the Philistines were camped out in Michmash.
17The Philistine raiders came out in three squads: one went the way to Ophrah, to the land of Shual.
18Another squad went to Beth-horon, and the last one went to the border looking at the Zeboim valley toward the wilderness.
19No blacksmiths were found in all of Israel, 'cause the Philistines were like, "We can’t let them make swords or spears."
20But all the Israelites went down to the Philistines to get their tools sharpened, like their shares, coulters, axes, and mattocks.
21They did have a file for the mattocks, coulters, forks, axes, and to sharpen the goads, no cap.
22So on the day of battle, no swords or spears were found with any of the people with Saul and Jonathan, except for Saul and his son Jonathan.
23The Philistine garrison went out to the Michmash pass.